First: About This Blog
This blog was created in 2013 to tell the story…our story…of how God taught us, conservative, evangelical parents, how to TRULY love our gay son. The original Just Because He Breathes piece was written in December 2012 at the request of a small group of LGBTQ students at a conservative Christian university…it was never intended for a larger audience, but that is what happened; I’ve never edited it since the night I wrote it. I am so grateful that you’ve visited here to read our story and to learn more about how we, as loving parents, can deeply and tragically wound our children without ever intending to.
That said – Back to About Me
I am now the mom of 6 adult children, our four & 2 spouses who we consider our kids. It took me a while to learn what it means for me to have a relationship with a dead child, but I very much do now. I feel like the luckiest, most blessed mom in the world – I have learned so much from the enormous mistakes I have made, and that has led to ever-deepening relationships in our family and in our marriage.
I am now working full-time (as a volunteer) working with parents of LGBTQ+ children whose children have just come out, or who are struggling to reconcile their faith with their love for their child. I also speak occasionally, lead the Parent Team at QChristian Fellowship, serve on a couple of boards, and much more. My life is rich with purpose and meaning! God has helped me to find my calling, and I am so grateful.
If you’d like to listen to a much more extensive version of our story, it was filmed at Towne View Baptist Church in Kennesaw, GA in May 2022.
There is also a recording of my presentation from NorthPoint Church in Atlanta from May 2021, which does not include everything from my more recent presentation, but does include a Q&A time that I’ve told has been helpful for many parents.
You can also view our story as presented as part of the documentary For They Know Not What They Do, available on Amazon & iTunes.
I’ll be at a conference coming up in Chicago the first weekend of May 2023 for parents and family of LGBTQ people – you can see more details here.
Much love to each person who has found their way here…
I don’t check Messenger often, so please be patient if you are trying to reach me – Thank you!
398 responses to “About Me”
I’m not sure how I came across your story. I think on Yahoo! I wanted to share a blog with you about my very best guy/gay friend, Mel, and our story. Just thought you would enjoy it. I named it “Mel and FEMel.” http://kasimbryon.blogspot.com/2014/10/mel-and-femel.html
He inadvertently taught me how things regarding his lifestyle are not black and white, but many, many shades of gray. Most being beautiful shades of gray 🙂
Thank you for sharing your story in such a transparent fashion. May you continue to be blessed and be unaffected by those who are harsh. Possibly, some are in an unkind-feeling-place, and possibly some have simply never had the opportunity to learn by experience. Though people may say mean things, odds are high that you could be a servant used to pave a road ahead they cannot yet see. We just never know! Blessings to you and yours! No doubt, you would choose to have Ryan here more than anything, but until you are together again, I think it is beautiful how you have kept his spirit and energy here for others, like myself, to meet your son. It is an amazing reality that a person who is not physically here can become a reality (can’t think of the best word,) in the life of one he/she has never met … nor will ever meet during this life … yet, because of you, we have. Good job Ryan’s Mom!
I am so inspired by your story Linda, thank you thank you!
These dangerous anti-gay “treatments” exist around the world and the human rights NGO I work for has been fighting back for the past few years. It’s called All Out (www.allout.org) and we have 2 million members, straight or gay, standing up for love and equality.
I’d love to share them your story. Would you be ok with that?
You can email me : email@example.com
Guillaume (writing to you from Paris!)
Hi Linda, so sorry for your loss…I am reliant on my Lord and Savior..every breath I take. I have often wondered how to witness to a gay person, for I do believe the Word of God, I work with a gay person and I started praying on just how are we to witness, without condemning them and turning them from God…it came to me, when a friend of mine’s daughter, who dated and slept with a few different men, looking for love in all the wrong place’s…she need’s Jesus…anyway..told me one day that she was dating a girl now..my heart dropped…I ask myself later, why did I not react that way when I had known she slept around and didn’t react that way…it was just the way it was. We become desenatized to that because there’s so much of it that it has become normal with people who aren’t saved and with some that are. God told me…it’s sin…sin is sin..BUT…..you have to recognize it as sin..you can not repent of something you don’t recognize as a sin. What im saying is this….I firmly do not agree with being gay…NOR do I agree with ANY sin…they are and will alway’s be sin in the eye’s of God…..we as Christian’s sin everyday…we are transparent before God, we ask him to search our heart’s so that we recognize, confess and repent of our sin’s. Gay people that go to church….I believe don’t recognize their sin…or they alone with God ask God to help them to change and repent of their sin, and God will see them through it like HE does wth all of us who have sin’s in our life that we are working on to change. It made so much sense to me..i can now witness to a gay person if the opportunity arise’s and share with them that no I do not agree with their lifestyle..i believe it to be a sin…just like sin in my life..the difference is I recognize my sin’s and everyday confess repent and am forgiven, I work on changing those sin’s through Christ…and until they recognize their sin, then that is something God will deal with them about. I want them to go to church, study the Word of God and LOVE them as God has Loved me, without judging, or feel like im condemning them..nobody will change under condemnation…we change because we are loved by God , His Love is what make’s us want to change and let go of sin in our life. We are ALL sinner’s and when we ask the Lord Jesus to come into our heart..we are Born again..and I pray for all those who are lost, to become born again. I don’t know if gay’s that go to church are truly saved, I just know..that’s the best place for them to go and maybe one day..they will be saved. May God’s Peace, compassion and Mercy reign in your life. This is just what I feel God showed me one and I am grateful HE did. Hope it help’s you.
I am surprised that someone hasn’t filed a lawsuit against the hatred that is espoused by these “teachers” of God’s word. They should be made to defend their result oriented philosophy against civil tort lawyers. I believe that hatred and castigation is not a teaching of Jesus Christ. I do not believe that excommunication is a Christian value.
I could not agree with you more “anonymous”What all loving and merciful God would judge anyone who loves another?
My son just married a wonderful gay man yesterday.
I almost lost him to suicide more than once because he feared that he would not be accepted as a gay man.
And consider this!!! Of my three children he is the most altruistic. He was a Big Brother in High School, volunteered with youth at risk in Ukraine, and fed the homeless at Outreach Boston for years.
WHEN THEY FOUND OUT HE WAS GAY HE WAS REJECTED FROM THE PROGRAM.
Think about that….because the group was a “Christian” one, he was told he could no longer help them.
That only propelled him to help people more; but he did leave those very confused “religious” people.
I have questions… I am a born again, spirit filled Christian and I have a gay son. His dad left us when he was five and I raised him alone. He is now 18. He told me when he was 15 that he was gay. I was so overwhelmed with fear. That was not an emotion that I was very familiar with. I didn’t fear anything…until then. Not loving him was never an option. I love him with my entire being. Yes, I sought counseling for both of us… Fear…… There were extremely painful times for us both…. Frustration, confusion… our church hurt us but we never turned our backs on God. I don’t have all of the answers and I don’t know how to handle all of issues that come up. What I do know is how to love. I am taking this one step at a time and seeking Gods heart in all things. It is so overwhelming to want to please God and not compromise His Word in the midst of this. I am not sure where the boundaries are.
Carrie, accept him for who he is , love him unconditionally or risk losing him in your life, don’t choose God over him, he is tangible, God is not
Hi Linda, Sorry you had to go through this. But glad you now understand. Thought you would like to know about a great documentary called Seventh-Gay Adventist (www.sgamovie.com) that tells three stories about the challenges of coming out gay in a conservative religion (Seventh-day Adventist). And you don’t have to be SDA to relate to this film. I suggest everyone should watch this film. It has been helping with bridging the gap between LGBT Adventists and the denomination. But it has also been helping with other LGBT Christians and the conservative churches they have been, and still want to be members of. May God bless you has you continue this journey.
That’s a great film, made by a beautiful couple, Betty!
This is truly amazing! Why? I have wanted to write a book or my story for so many years to express to the Christian faith how wrong you are to push gays away. I grew up in the pentecostal church. Got married, had 4 kids, but all along I struggled with who I am. I knew at an early age (8) my attraction to men was not the “normal” way of life, as the church taught. But i struggled with two persons, the father/ husband and the man who felt he lied to his wife and family all these years.
But what really got to me is the treatment from my “Christian” parents. Ive read the bible, ive had theological training and even held a ministerial license. No where does it say to hate the sin and the person. Jesus was a friend of sinners. He did not hang out in the church, he was mostly talking to sinners…He without sin cast the first stone! But my parents do not hold to this scripture. They view homosexuality as a sin far greater than any other sin and have chosen to shun me. But not only me, my four innocent children, even after divorce, stuck by their father. My ex wife and I are still great friends and have been there for each other over the years, even as the children grew older and are now adults.
My parents on the other hand? still the same. We have no communication unless I pick up the phone and call. On Thanksgiving day(2014) i found out from a niece the entire family (my brothers n sisters and spouses-with their children) where invited to my parents home for Thhnksgiving. Me nor my children where extended an invite. Now you tell me, why would I or anyone want to be a “Christian” if this is what we see and receive in treatment?
I applaud you and your husband for the strength to carry on after Ryan’s death. I’m a straight Jewish woman “of a certain age,” and my closest friends were gay. One, D, had been my brother’s friend from the time they were three years old. When my brother died of cancer, D became my brother. We were family. Last year he passed away in his sleep and I greatly mourn his death. Another, B, I had been friends with for over 50 years, beginning in art school. Several years ago he died of prostate cancer. We too had become family. Every day I miss these men, and reflect on all they taught me over the years. They were loving, generous, kind, artistic, and loyal.
I think that by challenging the teachings of your church, you’re doing many a favor; those who haven’t had the courage or power to acknowledge their children who haven’t conformed to some religious beliefs.
Ryan’s life touched many, and now, by sharing his story and yours, you’re doing what is called a mitzvah.
Our teenage son came out to us a few months ago. I thought we were loving him well. He very recently attempted suicide, for the second time (the first time was year ago and we didn’t know why then). He spent several days in the hospital and 10 days in a psych ward. He’s been back home for a week now. His deepest desire is to be fully accepted and loved for who he is. He wants us to be proud of how brave he is. My wife and I are learning how to do this as fast we can. As Christians, there is so much to wrestle through and so few to talk to that truly understand. I’m here to listen and learn. I welcome any and all advice and resources.
Tim – I am on it. Sending you an email now!
Tim, please email me and we’ll talk more if you want in private. I’m deeply concerned for your son and think i may be able to help. And when you’re dealing with the other possible option, i think anything is worth a try, no? Please reach out to me.
Greetings, I just read the Nov. 28, 2014 AP story titled “Evangelicals with gay Children Challenging Church” and wanted to thank you for the work you are doing under very challenging circumstances. I made a (PBS) film about these very issues a few years ago and thought you might appreciate the story of the Evangelical pastor with whom I began to build bridges in a small conservative community in Western Pennsylvania. More about the film and campaign for fairness and equality in rural and small town America here: http://wpsu.org/outinthesilence
Sending warmest of aloha across the distances, Joe Wilson
God bless you and keep you safe!
I just read about your blog in an article on Yahoo.com. I wanted to let you know how incredibly PROUD I am of the work that you and your husband are doing. I grew up in an evangelical household as a gay child, and as a gay young man. While my parents and siblings lovingly didn’t try to “change my behavior,” my life was simply ignored (for decades) by them. This was equally hurtful.
Thankfully, God gave me the strength in my late twenties and early thirties to continue a dialogue with them that, I believe, changed their hearts. It was no easy feat- having come out during the onset of AIDS.
I wonder if you have ever contacted the editorial department at Advocate magazine? Even more people, I believe, need to hear your incredibly healing story.
Thank you for your significant work,
I just read your story, which moved me. I’m terribly sorry about the loss of Ryan, but it sounds as if, by trying to change your church’s attitudes and teachings, you’re creating a very fitting memorial to his memory.
I’m a 70-year-old gay man, a retired professional. My partner, and, since 2008, husband, have been sharing our lives together for over 45 years. I bear witness to the fact that gay people can have loving, fulfilling, soul-nourishing relationships in exactly the same way straights can.
Let me just suggest one thing to you. You’ve discovered, through bitter experience, that your church and religion, which claim to have absolute truth about the spiritual and moral aspects of life, were terribly wrong in the area of same-sex relationships. Please be open to the possibility that it might not stop there. They might be wrong about other things as well.
I wish you peace.
Paul in Los Angeles
Paul, God wants to give you a chance to get closer to Him before you go to eternity. Here on earth is just a preparation for our eternity. I don’t know if you believe on God but I just want give you this word that could be your last called from the Lord in Revelation 3:20 “Look! Here I stand at the door and knock. If you hear me calling and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal as friends”
I am so glad to have found this site. I was raised in a “sprit filled” church. Oddly, this is where I was taught to forgive and judge at the same time. There was only the “right way” to go and no other paths for anyone. With that being said, my son is gay. I feel that I failed him in so many ways because he went through a time of hating himself. My faith is what I should have been able to run to, but it was the main walls that I ran into. The way that I was raised would blame this on a “sprit.” It would not matter that my son is kind, caring and a wonderful person because he would be going to hell. As a mother, how do you handle that? How to you handle that your faith is what is condemning your child?
I have come to believe that God’s love is unconditional. There is NOTHING that can separate us from the love of God and there is NOTHING that separate me from loving my child. But if I am being honest, is still bothers me. I am in total conflict with my faith. I haven’t been to church in years. If my son is not welcome as he is, than I won’t be there either. So I am left confused. This has left me with more questions than answers. How to you deal with this conflict? Anyway, sorry to ramble.
Amber, I’d highly recommend Justin Lee’s book, Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs-Christians Debate. It will powerfully encourage you, I think! You are a great mom, friend!
Dear Linda and family.
I totally support Any LGBT people including your boy but my message here is simple.
People hate because it is easy.
I love you, I love your family.
Linda, I just came across your family’s story this morning. I am truly sorry for your loss and all that you have been through. I am happy that you are taking this tragedy and using it to educate others. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior when I was 21. I am gay. I struggled for many years over the conflict of my faith and my sexual orientation, always thinking it was a phase or I could pray it away. While I had an attraction to women, I never had a sexual attraction to women, and no amount of prayer was going to change that. I also spent a couple of years in psychological therapy. I found the love of my life at 33, but I was still struggling with my faith and sexual orientation. It took me many years to reconcile my faith and sexual orientation. I have come to the conclusion that while my sexual orientation did not necessarily meet with what most thought Christianity is, I feel that Christ cares more about how I treat others in an intimate relationship than the intimate relationship itself. In other words, it makes little difference to Christ as to who I love, but it does matter how I treat the person I love. Violence is never an option in any relationship, infidelity is not an option in any relationship, non consensual sex is never an option in any relationship.
The other thing I have come to conclusion is God is the creator of everything, and everything He creates is good. God does not make junk as some like to say. Who is to say that God did not create homosexuals to challenge the way we think of things. I remember a dear Christian talking to me once about how we should treat the disabled the same way animals in the wild treat their disabled, by pushing them aside and letting them survive or die on their own. This came from a woman who was instrumental in me coming to Christ. I was shocked by her words and it challenged the way that I thought of the way Christians might think. I no longer took everything at face value. I believe all people cross my path for a reason and in this way homosexuals were created to teach us how to love others who are different than ourselves. After all if we all thought the same, acted the same, worshiped the same, believed the same, there would be no room to learn and grow in our faith.
There are a million words I would like to say. I’m a mother of a trans-gender…F>M. I have began a blog myself simply from my reaction from the same pastor that you were reacting from. I won’t use his name on here, however, I have had very different reactions.
I love my daughter (my only daughter) very much. She came out in 2009…about the time you lost your son…I thought I had lost my daughter. She and her friend are visiting us for Christmas 2014, after a 3 year separation. Both of us are looking forward to it.
I heard of Exodus and it’s finality, and only went to one group meeting, to realize, that I was not going to carry this kind of guilt – that “I had pushed my daugher away”, however, there have been very painful episodes between us in the past 5 years. But again, I just will not be forced to carry any kind of guilt.
I do have my own guilt in what happened between my own daughter and her choice to go on her own way, but I believe she made that choice…she would differ with me…but God knows what happened.
I abhor the teachings of Matthew Vines and others like this other pastor has blogged about, and is averting others to false teachings and heartbreaking accusations against us as parents of our precious children.
And so, I still stand on truth, God’s Word, yet with great grace towards my daughter and her friend…oh, btw – she told me that she and her partner have broken up, but still remain friends…they will be visiting us this Christmas…I had the joy of buying Christmas gifts for both of them because they will share Christmas dinner with us…I’m so looking forward to it. My grief right now is the fact that she is now looking to the home of homosexual men to live in, because she does not have a “girlfriend” – a place she had only come from just last year. I don’t know which is worse…or better.
My heart breaks for you and your son and your husband and your other children. I don’t know your grief, but I do know that I may lean on you because of your story…the furture will only tell.
I am well aware that my daughter must make her own choices whether or not I agree with them, however, she also needs to see my love towards her. I’m the only one who reaches out to her from her childhood family right now.
I have entitled my blog (Word Press) – “Love Letters From Mom”. I have just started it this past Fall.
Yes, we must make a bridge between the evangelical church and our God-given children. Attitudes must change. Hearts must be mended…and remended…to a heart of restoration.
I believe that we can rely on each other’s blogs.
Dear Lilly…I am confused…you abhor Matthew Vines’ teaching? If so, why would you want to rely on MY blog? God has brought Rob and I to a point where we have nothing but peace, joy and love for our friends & family who are LGBT Christians. I think you might have misunderstood me…?
The subject of this pains me so much that I wrote a book about it, “Braden’s Story”
And before writing it, I would’ve been holding you 100% accountable for your son’s death. He told you who he was and that wasn’t good enough because of a stupid deity imagined by PEOPLE thousands of years ago, one NO different to all the others. However, I have found a place where I can appreciate and forgive ignorance such as yours. I can understand that you believed yourself to be helping him despite its visibly destructive and terrible outcome, and I cried reading your blog. I can feel your loss and I’m so sorry he’s gone.
As for Lilly, it’s people like her that are seemingly too dumb to understand. I want to shake her, scream in her face, so that maybe just MAYBE she’ll understand how erroneous and SELFISH it is to not “agree” with her daughter. I wonder if she doesn’t “agree” with the rights of black people, another human TRAIT that’s biological in nature.
Thank you for being so transparent! What a refreshing perspective for an Evangelical. Our son first came out to us when he turned 18. He is now 34. I was shaken to my core, and struggled with all the hidden and uncontested assumptions that are part and parcel of the Evangelical position on homosexuality. It was the most threatening thing I have ever experienced. I knew my family would be condemned, my parenting questioned, my integrity impugned, and that I would lose the emotional and spiritual support I needed so much from my church.
Over the course of years, I was able to look squarely at the scriptures and throw off the shackles of convention that actually pervert the teachings of Christ. We are so unwittingly and thoughtlessly affected by culture, instead of scripture! Is still believe that the Bible is our only rule of faith and practice, but now I can separate the Bible from the prejudicial teachings of men. It has been a long and arduous journey, but one I cherish. I am so sorry that you lost your son. I got to keep mine, and now I attend his “open and affirming” church and do my best to love the broken and hurting souls who worship there. Thank God for second chances….no one ever needed one more than I.
You will be in my prayers.
Please send me information if there is a place where I can fellowship with others like me.
Thanks, and God bless you.
For Linda…I was reading everything I could within your blog to understand where you were coming from. I must have overlooked the fact that you are a follower of Matthew Vines, however, I make no apologies for my stand within a Biblical perspective. Matthew Vines is one of those false prophets that the Bible speaks of in 1 Timothy 4. It would seem that it would be very easy to accept Mr. Vines’ teachings, because it give us, as parents, a way to love our children and we then, are accepted by our children, but his teachings totally obscure the authority of Jesus Christ (and I make no apoligies to you, Mason, on that note), and the teachings only provide a watered down shallow kind of love in order to accept the homosexual child…so that “everything will be Ok”. I take the challenge of Jesus Christ to be His disciple according Luke 14:26. I also follow the teachings of Christ to love others with GRACE and TRUTH…the only way to love a loved one who has turned their back on Jesus Christ.
Mason, the message of God’s Word, the Bible, is a message of WARNING and to all others who do not receive the message of Jesus Christ – He provided a sacrificial kind of love…He gave up His life for you and for me and for my daughter. He does not push us to accept his mandate (found in God’s Word), but it’s up to you to accept if you receive Jesus’ Christ’s message fully and completely. The message is there, it always has been there, and it will always be there available to you…until Jesus comes to take His own.
Mason, your words do not scare me when you tell me that you want “to shake her (me), scream in her (my) face, so that maybe just MAYBE she’ll (I’ll) understand how erroneous and SELFISH it is to not “agree” with her (my) daughter. I wonder if she ( don’t) doesn’t “agree” with the rights of black people, another human TRAIT that’s biological in nature.”
You have never been a mother…you have no base to make that remark on…at all. And I work with black people and I treat them just like I would want to be treated myself. Yes, I am white, but I have also embraced an in-law that happened to be black and Iove that person as if they were my own sibling. Being a black person is biological, but trying to prove to me that my daughter is actually a male is not for you decide nor for her to decide…God created her to be female with all the female traits she was born with. …and that’s my final statement. I have a pretty good idea why my daughter turned to the gay culture. but that’s private, and I will not divulge that information.
I still invite both of you to follow my blog.
Thank you for your thoughts, Lilly…though I trust Jesus Christ to be my Lord and Savior, I hear His call very differently than you do. I respect your perspective, though I disagree, and feel sad for you and your daughter. Thanks for taking the time to listen to our story.
Lilly, how do I find your blog?
“God created her to be female with all the female traits she was born with”
Yes, and with that final statement, enjoy hell. Because that’s where your ignorance will send you.
If you truly believe ‘male’ and ‘female’ to be absolutes, you’re ignorant and stupid. God didn’t make any of us, we’re working projects of mother nature not the final product of some deity. What would you call someone with the sexual organs of both genders? Do they not exist to you or something? Because I’m really confused as to why they DO exist when you so clearly assert God mad us all and perfectly.
According to your logic, Intersex and transgendered people don’t exist, yet you have one for a SON. You hold faith with such high regard, over your own child, in fact. What an absolutely deplorable mother you are. In fact, you should never have been given the chance of becoming one.
Don’t be like the writer of this blog and kill your own child, because ignorance is a deadly weapon and can often be fatal like Linda found out. Faith means nothing if it comes at the expense of your children’s lives. The only savior you need is yourself, because if anyone is to stop the demise of the relationship with your child, it’s you. Not Jesus. Not God. You.
Do some research and open your eyes to the true realities of life. Faith may comfort you, but at a detriment you’re too blind to see.
Thank you for posting. I am a believer of God. Bringing out your story like this, opens you up for criticism but sheds light to so many others.
I saw your story on the Internet and I am so sorry for your tragic loss. I too have a gay son and like you, I am a huge fan of my son and a huge fan of God. God is our Father and we are all his beloved children, and I have no idea how His grace and mercy work miracles for all of us sinners but I am so so so grateful for it. It applies to all of us regardless of what our sins are (and all sins are repulsive to God.) Jesus taught us to love and help each other, Hating is as much of a sin as anything else, and it has no place for us. Our sins are between us and God–he sees our hearts. I’m grateful for your voice, please soldier on! God is working through you. Peace.
Thank you for sharing your story. It helps to learn that I’m not alone. I would love to find your private Facebook page.
The key of live is LOVE and that love should be unconditional like a mother’s love which is the purest and more amazing love on earth! I’m sorry that probably you have that lost. I’m just want to encourage you to really read the bible especially the book of Romans and ask God to help you how to really love others without judging. This is not about being gay or not, it’s about choices young people are making nowadays and some of those decisions are going to the wrong path like doing drugs and killing themselves. They probably do this cuz they are confused and hopeless and that’s why showing God’s love with others is the only thing will help people to find hope in life.
Thank you for your courage to share your story. I am the mother of a gay son, he came out to me 5 years ago and my response was less then loving and I am so ashamed I wasn’t a safe place for him. We have processed the past 5 years together and have a wonderfully open relationship now. This is our life and I needed to get over myself and embrace it. I am on staff at a church so this journey has been challenging to say the least. I really want to learn more about how I can help other families navigate some of the emotions and challenges that we have. My friend Ryan Meeks encouraged me to get in touch with you. I feel so strongly that God is going to allow us to use our story to help others but I’m not sure where to start.
Do you share your private facebook page? I am a mother of a gay son and I’d like to be a part of it if you do.
Rosalind…Friend me and message me on Facebook (Linda Mueller Robertson), and I’ll get you added!
I am so touched by your story and I am so happy for you that your son gets to live in others seeking advice. My partners parents struggle with their daughter being gay, they often cite Jesus, and I struggle with truly loving them because I take their response so personally. I selfishly want them to accept our relationship to make my girlfriend’s life easier and therefore mine. I guess my question to you, and maybe you have elaborated more on this on another post that I didn’t see, but was there ever a shift in your belief about what the bible says about homosexuality? Other than just wanting to be back in your son’s life and to not see him in pain, was there a corner you turned on accepting that he was gay was fact and not a choice or sinful? Or did you simply just choose to love no matter what belief you had?
Thank you, again, for your story.
Merry Christmas ,
Cullen, thanks for your very kind and thoughtful question. We have had a HUGE shift in what we believe the Bible teaches…we don’t think it EVER addresses homosexuality as we know it. We believe, strongly, that God blesses same-sex marriages just as He blesses heterosexual marriages…and wants ALL of our marriages to result in us becoming more like Jesus…more loving of God and of one another. Merry Christmas to you and your partner, Cullen!
Hi Linda! How did you make this shift in your belief, with what evidence, regarding what the majority of churches teach? I am very interested to read more. Do you have blog entries that you could point me to in order to follow your logic? Did you use any scriptures to come to this conclusion? As a follower of Christ, who has LGBT persons in my life, I am searching for answers. Thank you for your time.
Thanks again! In continuing to search your blog, this answers my question: https://justbecausehebreathes.com/2013/07/06/so-what-do-you-really-believe/
Jen…thanks for being willing to read and consider! Much love to you!
I’ve read you version of events and your self-centered explanation. If in the 6 years you forced your son to attend therapy, you showed him one “drop” of the sympathy you are attempting to gleen from us, Ryan maybe alive today. Shame on you Linda and Rob, you had one job, keep him safe! Answer me this as a Christian where in the New Testament does it say Homosexuality is a sin or that Jesus condemns homosexuality?
Ungarie Town – We don’t think that the Bible teaches that homosexuality, as we know it today, is a sin. And we have never wanted sympathy; our desire is to help other parents avoid the mistakes we made.
I’m not normally a publicly emotional person. Since becoming aware of Ryan’s story I can’t stop crying for your son. I didn’t even know him. As a parent how could you do this? No-one will ever know what Ryan thought; but this reminds me of my religious parents betrayal (I don’t want sympathy). I understand the intention of some of the naughter comments made about your action/inaction. Again it comes down to one thing, as Ryan’s parents you had one job to do “keep him safe”.
I want to thank you for posting this. I am 32 years old and just told my parents the day after Christmas that I am gay. It is only recently that I have shared with anyone about who I am. My Father is a pastor with the Christian and missionary alliance church and as you can imagine my head was filled with mans interpretation of Gods word my entire life. I lived my life trying to be the son any parent would be proud of. I have managed multiple businesses but was never happy. I followed suit of many before me and even got married. My Father performed the service. When I started reading the story of your son I started balling. I have lived the life of drug and alcohol abuse while being a functional member of society. But luckily I survived and stopped at the weed and alcohol. The thing is we get so good at putting up a facade that everyone wants to see that no one sees the pain we are actually in. When I told my parents their response was almost word for word what yours was all of those years ago. First my mom asked if I had ever acted on the urges and then said she hoped I never would and that I know what that bible says about that. She then said that if you look at what is happening in the world that I would realize that it probably won’t be too long that I would have to be alone before Christ comes. How do I get them to fully accept who I am and be ok with the fact that I am going to date. At this point I am happy and have been talking to someone. Do I just give them more time?
Joshua…I am so thankful that you’ve made it through, and have had the courage to be honest with yourself and with your family. It may take them a long time…though I hope it does not, for everyone’s sake. No matter what they think, though, YOU can go forward and live a thriving, abundant life, knowing that God loves you, knows you, and sees you…and that He is always on your side. I would encourage you to connect with GCN (Gay Christian Network) and make some friends with others who have walked a similar journey…I think you’ll find that there is an incredible community of Christian LGBTQ believers just waiting for you to join them.
If I may respond to this comment, I was in my 30’s before I started my coming out process. It was a scary time as I was actively involved in the Baptist Church, but had walked away from the church due to the conflict between the Church’s beliefs and who I was. I co-taught bible studies with another young man, and when I came out, he contacted me and told me that, he too, was gay. He was the son of a Conservative Baptist Church pastor. It has taken me years to come to terms with my faith and my sexual orientation. I still have faith in God and Jesus Christ. I believe that God is less concerned with who I have a relationship with and more concerned with how I treat the person within the relationship. In other words, am I a loving, caring, faithful person in the relationship. I have been in a loving relationship for 25 years now. I also believe, thanks to my conservative Christian Grandmother (unbeknownst to her), that maybe God created me to help other Christians take a different look at how they believe. Instead of just condemning me to Hell for my sexual orientation, maybe someone will see the kind hearted person that I am and decide that I have value as a human/Christian in spite of my sexual orientation.
I was lucky in that I had accepting parents. You ask the question, “Do I just give them more time?” Yes, give your parents all the time they need to come to terms with your revelation, but also understand that they may never fully come to terms with it. While you are giving them the time, be sure to build friendships to create a family that cares about you. While blood relatives are important, family is who you choose and do not necessarily have to be blood relatives. If you have a faith, find an inclusive church to nurture that faith, and continue to nurture your faith with God. Continue talking to someone as well. It will be okay. It will take time, but use whatever means possible to keep yourself happy, short of alcohol and drugs. Lots of people out there to support you and keep in mind, in spite of what people tell you, God loves you, and accepts you just as you are. Check out Matthew Vines, and also check out Interfaith Alliance. Good sources for positive reinforcement when you need it.
Linda I am so glad you shared this story.. I am a 19 year old lesbian girl. I came out to my parents around 10 months ago. Before I came out to them, I was the picture perfect daughter. I graduated high school with honors, signed to play college softball, and sang in church every Sunday. Of course, I’ve known that I’m a lesbian for a few years.. But my parents are extremely against homosexuality. I have been in a lesbian relationship for 3 years now, and always having to keep it from them was miserable. I hated lying to them, but I was terrified for them to find out. When I came out to them, my world shattered. I received hate texts from them on a daily basis. They came to my college where I was staying, yelled at me in front of everyone, my dad grabbed my neck and threw me on the ground. Since then I have seen them 3 times, all of which were not pleasant. My own brother who is 30 years old said the next time he saw me he would break me in half. They want nothing to do with me. Honestly, they would rather me be dead then gay. They are so embarrassed and ashamed of me, but I couldn’t stand being so unhappy and lying to everyone. I had to be myself. They text me a lot, but every text is about how horrible of a person I am and how I’m going to hell. They claim that God will damn them to hell if they associate with me. They are keeping me from seeing my 3 nephews who I love so dearly. I want to please them so badly, but I realize that’s not going to happen. Since I get these messages all the time, I start to wonder myself.. “Because I love differently.. Is God going to punish me with hell?” I still want to be a Christian. I pray every night.. I ask for forgiveness. I do the very best I can to be a good servant to the Lord. It gets so very hard sometimes.. But then I read blogs like these and it feels like a weight has been lifted off me. Thank you so much for giving me some assurance. And thank you for all youre doing for people like me.
Oh, Kristin…this breaks my heart. I can’t imagine the pain that you are feeling. There is NO WAY your Heavenly Father, who loves you perfectly, would send you to hell. NOT A CHANCE. PLEASE friend me on Facebook (Linda Mueller Robertson) and message me so that I can send you a copy of Justin Lee’s book, “Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Christians-vs-Gays Debate”…it will help you greatly to see that you can be both gay AND a follower of Christ. YOU are fine, dear friend…I am afraid, though, that your family has a long road ahead of them, and that they are going to miss out on knowing the wonderful woman that you so clearly are. ❤
As a mom who couldn’t believe her daughter was really male, because her daughter’s eyes lit up when she spoke about boys…and almost lost her precious one to suicide at 13 (over 40% of trans teens try to take their lives)…I am so touched by your story and what you are doing to reach out to others. I lost my daughter…but gained a son who is happy and in relationship with another female-to-male trans person (gender identity and sexual orientation are two separate continuums. Some people are trans and straight. Others are trans and gay. Some are fluid in both areas.) Having a trans child meant another level of coming out for all of us, using new names, supporting our son through surgery. People who accepted gayness couldn’t believe that gender dysphoria — the realization that your body doesn’t match who you know yourself to be — is a real condition. (We are Jewish and in doing research we discovered writings of Hebrew sages in the first few centuries AD that spoke about there being 4 genders — male, female, male becoming female, and female becoming male). I hope that you will be able to reassure the young trans people I know who are so hurt by their parents’ disdain or even hatred and rejection — you could save lives. You could save a lot of young lives. That you use all the initials LGBTQ tells me you understand. Thank you for your outreach and your writing.
Ruth…THANK YOU for sharing your story and your journey here, and for helping cisgender people understand what it means to be trans. I am so very, very thankful that your beautiful son is not only alive but THRIVING…thank God! We need more parents like you, my friend!
When it comes to sexual identity, how can people connect beyond tolerance?
We thought you may find of interest our documentary film, which you may watch online and for free at compellinglovefilm.com
Let us know what you think!
Grace and Truth,
The Compelling Love Team
I have your film queued up on my laptop to watch, as it has two of our dear friends in it! Thanks for what you are doing!
Hi Linda – I came across “Just Because He Breathes” in the Huffington Post, and felt moved to mention your family on my own blog, which is about parenting LGBT children. I thought you might want to see: http://gaykids-straightmom.com/2015/01/22/lessons-from-alan-turing-prejudice-is-a-dangerous-enemy/
Wishing you all the best, and thanking you for your story.
Thank you, Suzanne…much love to you!
Dear Linda, as I read your heartbreaking story and all the comments that have been left here on your page, by parents of children who have come out as a homosexuals, I have cried until I am drained. I feel all the pain, because I too have a gay child. My son Joseph first told me when he was a teenager. Joe is now 25 years old. The guilt, the pain, the denial…all of it has been an ongoing process of coming to terms with, and learning to deal with something that is so foreign to a christian family.
Now, after almost 10 years, I can’t say that I understand it any more now than I did the day he told me. What I can say is, that our family LOVES JOE MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE. That being said, we still struggle with how his lifestyle fits with our faith. Like you and your husband, early on, we reminded him of what the bible says about homosexuality, and that he couldn’t have it both ways. That was what we grew up learning in our little Baptist Church. That is what is still being taught in our little Baptist Church. But now, we aren’t so sure that the answers are so cut and dried.
We are so torn inside! We will NEVER walk away from our son! We have talked about leaving our church (they do not know about Joe’s lifestyle) but it is such a part of us. Both of our parents, and lifelong friends are there…
I guess I am envying the fact that you are now sure that it is possible to be homosexual and still be a Christian, with the assurity that you can have Eternal Life in Heaven while embracing a lifestyle that the bible says is an abomination. I feel so torn!!! I am asking for your help!!! Please help me to reconcile all this as you have!
Jo, I so respect the honesty and authenticity with which you write…I so wish we could sit down and have a long heart to heart over coffee. I would love that, dear friend.
God is continually giving Rob and I more and more confidence that, Biblically, it is more than possible to support a position of full LGBT inclusion. We believe that it is more than possible to be gay and a thriving, growing follower of Christ, and more evangelical churches are joining us in that. Here is a list of resources that I would strongly encourage you to listen to/read:
Pastor Danny Cortez’ “Why I Changed My Mind on Homosexuality”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqYvkVqVLFo
Pastor Stan Mitchell: http://time.com/3687368/gracepointe-church-nashville-marriage-equality/
David Gushee’s “Ending the Teaching of Contempt against the Church’s Sexual Minorities”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2o3ZGwzZvk
“Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs-Christians Debate” by Justin Lee
“God and the Gay Christian” by Matthew Vines
“Changing Our Mind: A call from America’s leading evangelical ethics scholar for full acceptance of LGBT Christians in the Church” by David P. Gushee
“A Letter to My Congregation” by Pastor Ken Wilson
“Bible, Gender, Sexuality: Reframing the Church’s Debate on Same-Sex Relationships” by James V. Brownson
I could go on and on, but I hope these help. Please let me know if you want more…and if you are in the Atlanta or Kansas City areas (or anywhere close), please check out The Reformation Project’s site (http://www.reformationproject.org/) for information on their upcoming conferences – they will be PACKED with more help in reconciling your faith in Christ with full support of your son’s sexual orientation. Much love to you my friend…Let me know how it goes! I will be praying!
Dear Linda, thank you so much for your reply and your support and prayers!
As I said before, it has been a long, hard (and lonely) journey. I so appreciate the resources. Last night, my husband and I both read “Homosexuality & Christianity/The Great Debate”. (I found the link on your site) There were many points in Justin’s view that we could agree with.
We love our Church…we grew up there, we’ve raised our three children there. They were all saved and baptized in that church. But…Joe is our child! We love him beyond explanation!
And, what has gotten me through all this, is that I know that JESUS LOVES HIM EVEN MORE!!!
To end this, let me just say that I truly believe that God has linked us to you. My husband’s homophobic brother gave my father-in-law, who is equally unaccepting, (neither have any idea about Joe’s lifestyle) the Jan. 2015 issue of Time magazine, which has an article titled Change of Heart/Inside the evangelical war over gay marriage. Of course their reason for passing on the article was for my husband to share it with our Pastor so that we could make sure our “Church Statement” against Homosexuality was strong enough.
The ironic thing is that through that article we found YOU! We found you… and maybe, a glimmer of hope and some clarity. We know that God made this happen! We know HE linked us up!!!
Thank you again for all you and your husband are doing to help God’s Children survive and even thrive in such a hateful environment!
Jo…your reply made me cry…God is so big, and so very good. And yes, He DOES love our kids so much more than we can ever imagine! Praying for you, my friend!!
Hello. I am a 28 year old gay man. I’ve been struggling with self-loathing issues for most of my life(starting from puberty… when I realized I was gay). During recent years my mental health was so bad that all I could think about daily was suicide. That has changed with psychiatric treatment. I am on medication now and I feel mostly fine except for the occasional fluctuations. But that is normal with most psychiatric treatments.
Since puberty my mother has always been extremely aggressive with me being gay, always trying to “turn me straight”. There was this one time when I was about 14 when she specifically stayed home from work to have a “talk” with me. That talk came out to be nothing more than her forcing me to promise that I wouldn’t be gay, for her own peace of mind. I was extremely angry and nearly got physical with my anger. I had anger issues since the then. She would corner me in the car and talk about how bad being gay is and that they die of AIDS and ask me stupid questions, hoping that I would tell her that I am now straight.
All this has changed in recent years in light of my mental breakdown one night 2 years ago, and the phone call that they got from my university counselor who was privy to the situation that I was suicidal and psychotic at that point, because I was at the point of true despair and perhaps suicide. Note that I never went to them even once even up till what seemed like a cruel end. It was only with the intervention of my counselor that I began seeing a psychiatrist.
The hurt never stops though. The situation has not changed much. We have not talked about it, not talked about the past. It never goes away. With medication the demons are kept at bay. They are silent now… on most days that is. Mother still has the occasional throwaway sentence that she tosses at me about how I should go and court a girl that has displayed interest in me even if she was already attached(this happened once). She still secretly hopes that I will be straight. This is wrong. What she is doing is for her own damn happiness. She thinks it’s for my good but it never has been. She needs to control every aspect of everyone’s lives in this family because she has always been a control freak. And she cant bear to have a “deviant” son that would bring the ultimate shame upon her and her seemingly “perfect” reputation. It has ALWAYS been about only that. Does she even realize how much damage she does and has done in her pursuit of this?
Anyway… I think that open communication is key. I lived everyday hating myself. I was literally unable to love myself, and I felt more like a robot each passing day. Life had no more meaning. I fear I am returning to that state. The medication slowly loses its effect.
I hope at least one parent would read this walking away with the knowledge that what damage done during the teenage years sometimes can become something extremely severe. It may seem like a simple matter, but slowly on the inside all they will ever want is to die eventually. I don’t feel at all connected to my parents. I feel lonely inside. Talk to your gay children. Talk to them about all these things. Realize that it will go a long way. Don’t reach the point where it can’t be fixed anymore. Please, love them while you still can.
I have wept over your story and how you have been wounded by your mother’s inability to show her love (I suspect it is her own woundednes that has numbed her feelings). Dear man, you offer all parents wise counsel: talk and love! You are brave and kind and not alone!
From another mother of a 25-year-old gay son
P.S. Linda, thank you for allowing others to share their stories in response to yours. You are brave and kind and not alone, too!
I saw the video and read the letter and I sobbed. I cannot imagine the pain you have endured. Please help me understand: I am also a follower of Christ and believe the scriptures. I have children. I would have told my son those same things you told your son. I agree that Jesus loved. I want to love too. How do you interpret those passages of scripture that forbid same sex attraction? It is very difficult to understand. If my son or daughter approach me one day with the news that they are gay or lesbian I want to love but how do you reconcile what scripture says? You have my utmost respect for all you’ ce been through( and I have no doubt this your son was a beautiful boy! Please respond . I would appreciate your insight.
Thank you, Liv, for your kindness. There actually aren’t any scriptures that forbid same sex attraction. There are a few – very few – that Christians have interpreted in a way that seems that the Bible forbids sex between two people of the same sex, but there is great debate about what the original words actually mean, and what the intent of the words actually was. There are more and more Christian pastors and theologians who believe that those Scriptures do NOT forbid committed, same-sex marriage. If you’d like to do a bit of listening/reading on the topic, I posted a list of resources on a reply to a comment on this page on Feb. 24th…let me know if you can’t find it. Much love to you, new friend!
Pls contact me so that I can talk to you about using your film in a presentation I am doing at an inclusive church event in England thank you
Thank you for being a voice of love and grace in the body of Christ. I’m a Christian mother of a gay daughter, and now mother-in-law to her partner. I put on their wedding last fall and got quite an education on the judgement and disgust carried by both Christian’s and non-believers alike.
Some close relatives shunned the wedding on the basis of not wanting to participate in sin–even though there have been divorces and remarriage, and shot gun weddings in the family with no fall out. This has caused a great riff in the family. Our church family is mixed, some very supportive of us supporting our daughter and some acting like she murdered someone. God was clear, so clear with me that I’m to love my daughter and whoever she brings to our table–and that He will never leave her or forsake her—AND that He has her covered, I do not need to fix anything.
I feel we need to be who we are where we are and the church has to deal with it–so many people I know stop attending when their children come out. It is tempting sometimes, no doubt!! I would love to know of other moms like me for support and encouragement.
Sheri…I LOVE that God told you exactly what He told us. What a confirmation! Send me a message on FaceBook (Linda Mueller Robertson) and I’ll tell you more about the moms groups!
I just wanted to take a moment to tell you how much I admire your courage in sharing your story. What you have done is so important for so many reasons. I personally share your story with anyone I can, and in many cases it truely opens the hearts and minds of the people I share it with. That is absolutely incredible to me. I have read over this website and read your letter in response to the “haters,” wow, words fail me. Please don’t give up. Please don’t let the short sightedness of others get you down. You are an inspiration to me for your honesty and bravery. I am so sorry for your loss, a loss I cannot imagine and I’m just as sorry for any hate directed at you or anyone you love. God’s love to you, your family, and your beautiful boy Ryan.
Maria….your encouragement is greatly appreciated! Thank you for understanding my heart in sharing our story. May God bless you richly, my friend!
Linda- your story helped me so much when my son came out to us. I read on the Freed Hearts site when I was still in the state of shock stage and it tugged at my heart and helped me to have a new approach and an open heart. I want you to know just how much you helped me. You guys are a blessing and thank for for being so courageous and honest – you guys are making a real difference and pay no attention to the haters. Every one of us has stuff we wish we would have done different – I have a very long list of things I would do different too but it is all part of this human experience. Much much love.
I found your story by chance, just when I needed it. I recently found out my 15 year old son is gay. I was shocked when he told me. I never saw it coming. He is a rough and tumble boy. His father and I love and support him and that will never change. We too thought perhaps he is just confused about his sexuality, but on the other hand know that for him to tell us this that he isn’t confused and is aware of who he is.
As a parent I worry more about him now. I fear for his safety. Although in society it has become much more accepted there still remains some stigma. We live in a small town with limited resources. We as parents have set up counseling to help us not to necessarily cope, as parents but to help give us tools to provide the best support for our son.
I would value any advice if you have any to offer.
Jane…wow, you sound like a great mom! Find me on FaceBook (linda Mueller Robertson) and I’ll get you added to a private group for Christian moms with LGBT kids…the other moms will be GREAT resources!
I am so sorry for your loss. I came across your story on the “Not all like that” (http://www.notalllikethat.org/) website and was so moved by your video. I was in tears…. you are wonderful examples of Christ’s love and understanding for ALL people.
Linda, our son came out a week ago today. It topped off a year that we mistakenly ‘thought’ was our hardest year as parents. Reading your story and bog posts have been the most helpful information that I have read in our efforts to help him, myself, and our family. I can see and hear God working through you. When are your support group meetings and where?
There are great private online support groups for Christian parents with LGBT kids, Dan…find me on FaceBook (linda mueller robertson) and I’ll tell you about them! And Dan…it sounds like you are a great dad!
Linda, I truly appreciate your sharing your story and was so touched when I read it. I came out after many years of marriage and just completed a memoir about coming out later in life called Switching Teams. Regardless of age, coming out is a difficult process and is made even more challenging by those who are anti LGBT, especially when religion is the root cause for the hate. Your journey of love is both inspiring and commendable. The world will be a better place when we can love each other as God loves us. Thanks again for your honesty, openness and loving heart. Peace.
Hello. I have read the story of your family many times. I feel that through your story, God was preparing me for this day. Today our 26 year old son confirmed that he is gay. He told us he thought he was about 2 years ago so it wasn’t totally a surprise. He tried dating women but said he wasn’t being honest with himself. As a Christian, I have struggled with wondering whether our son would be loved and accepted by God if he “came out”. I wondered if my family and friends would accept him because I never wanted anyone to hurt him. And people can say such cruel and hurtful things. Over the past year, I have winced when hearing Christians talk about the “abomination of homosexuality”. The most painful part of this is hearing my son say that for years and years he hated himself and he tried continuously to be someone that he was not. He has always been caring and considerate even as a child so I cannot imagine how painful and lonely he must have been for so long. I am so thankful to have ran into your story. After reading your blog, ” I am convinced that no one can separate us from the love of God…” and truly ” God is love ” I am so thankful that my husband and I have the chance to get to know the wonderful young man our son has become and that he can be himself and love himself as God made him. Thank you again for being willing to share your story of loss and reconciliation with those who are beginning the journey to stand with our children in what can be a cruel world.
Debbie…I am so glad our story was helpful to you…SO glad. If you’d like to join our private online group of Christian moms with LGBT kids (who are all trying to fully love and support our children to the best of our ability), please send me a message on Facebook – I am Linda Mueller Robertson there. Much love to you!
Thanks for taking the time to respond. I will indeed send you a message on Facebook. Blessings to you !
December 2014 our 17 year old son told us he was gay. It has been a year of learning new responses and searching God on how he wants my sin addressed and to hold on to him. I have felt alone on this journey and so glad to have been told by the mother of our son’s boyfriend about your blog.
So glad it has encouraged you, Mary ❤
As we begin our journey with our 26 year old son revealing to a wider audience that he is gay, my husband and I are fine. Really. He felt comfortable telling us that the man he is dating is anxious to meet us. Seeing his eyes light up when talking about this young man tells me that he Is so much happier. Even our 18 year old son said “Doesn’t matter to me. He’s still my brother and I love him” What has been challenging for him has been his grandparents reaction. They are in their 80’s and it’s safe to say they are horrified. They want him to go back into hiding, at least until he is finished with graduate school and launches his career. But he was miserable and depressed before and again, to us he is who he is and we love and accept him. Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? I imagine they will need time to adjust because this caught them off guard.
Hey, Mrs. Robertson,
I’m 20. I’m gay. I’m a pastor’s son. My dad knows I’m gay. I told him a little while after my 19th birthday. My parents are indendent fundamentalists baptist. At first my dad was very kind but up until now he has made it very clear in almost a dozen intense conversations that he will never except sin and in very subtle ways, as kindly as he can, told me that should I ever come out it would be the end of our relationship. I’m not going to stay in the closet. I’m coming out after I graduate college and I’m moving to LA. I will leave a note. I will block all my friend and family on social media. I will change my email. I know my parents will NEVER change their minds. My dad screamed it from the top of his lungues. Right now I have him at bay. I’m keeping him at a distance and letting him think that I’m turning straight or something. It’s just now starting to hit me tho. I’m realizing how much I love them and how important their approval is to me. The thought of leaving them forever in one and a half years is almost too much to bare. Watching your videos both touched me and broke my heart because I know that even if I died they would never even reconsider what they think about people like me. How can I find comfort in this future? I know that I know that I know they will never change they will always see me as a failure or disappointment😢
Kyle, you sound like a wonderful son, and an incredible person. I am so sorry that it doesn’t look like your dad will change his position…at least not for now. I sure hope and pray that he realizes what a horrific mistake it would be to cut off relationship with you, Kyle. But no matter what he does, YOU can still have a hopeful future, and you can still make this world a better place, just by being who you are. I have no doubt that God delights in you, Kyle…no matter what your earthly father does.
Praying for you tonight, Kyle.
Thank you Mrs. Robertson. I’m trying really hard to believe God delights in me but I can’t help but feel dirty, broken, and disappointing. I guess I don’t believe it’s wrong to be gay in my head but a part of my heart still believes it. How do I get that knowledge of God’s love from my head to my heart?
Well, from all the friends we have who have walked this journey, I would say it is a process. And it can be a long one. But I would really encourage you to read books by those who have been down this road, listen to their testimonies, and surround yourself with others who are in similar situations. I would strongly recommend you connecting with the Gay Christian Network, as well…you’ll find thousands of others who have been there, and who are there.
From my mother’s heart, though, I have NO DOUBT that God absolutely adores you. ❤
Kyle, it will take time for your parents to come to terms with your orientation. Please give it that time. In the meantime, make sure you have lots of supportive friends to be there for you as you go through this transition. Gay Christian Network is an excellent recommendation. I would also recommend that you look at the Reformation Project. Matthew Vines has done extensive research on Homosexuality and the Church. His organization will give you some excellent insights into the subject that may help you to open discussions with family members when the time is right. Give it time and stay positive. Seek support as you need it. I am gay and I am a Christian. A close friend of mine is in the same boat and he is the son of a Baptist Minister. It took me years to come to terms with my Christianity and my orientation. I believe God creates us all for a purpose and I believe that sometimes he puts us in people’s lives in order for them to learn how to question the thoughts they have always had and to learn to love us as God would love us, it takes time. I pray for peace in your life.
Such wise words, Timothy – I am incredibly grateful that you chimed in here!
your son had a beautiful smile. I know you miss it and him daily. thanks for sharing your story!