2,455 responses to “Just Because He Breathes”

1. Linda,
   Forgive yourself. You are so brave to put Ryan’s story out there, leaving you exposed to being judged and scrutinized for doing what you thought was right. Your story is changing opinions and getting others thinking. I wish you the very best and I truly hope that you have peace of mind. Ryan clearly had excellent parents that loved him. It’s clear. I wish you all the best.

2. Hey Linda – I tried to find a way to unsubscribe to all the new comments and posts coming through – but could only find a way to unsubscribe from the subscription. I think you are wonderful and this site is a blessing to many. It’s also wonderful how the site is now getting such an enormous amount of activity through posts. I will still check in from time to time – but I needed to unsubscribe from the original subscription. I will re-subscribe here, without checking the boxes that send notification of every post and comment. God bless you!

   • Lindee…Sorry for overwhelming your email with so many notifications! Thanks for figuring out how to “tell” WordPress that you need a little LESS email!! Much love to you!

     • LInda, I read the article about the loss of your oldest son Ryan and am deeply touched over your story, Just Because He Breathes. I am a mother of a homosexual son and a follower of Christ. I have struggled with the same issues and my son too and went through a similar situation with the church. I would be interested in the private FB referred to in the 11/28/14 article “Evangelicals with gay children challenging church”, so I can follow. Due to my ignorance of social media, I don’t know how to find without exposure to myself, which this will do in itself.
       God bless you for sharing your story that needs to be shared and for the church to begin to open the doors to all sinners and not judge which sin is allowable or not since we all sin and fall short. Jesus walked among the sinners so they may be saved. We are to love the sinners and hate the sin, embrace each other with love since the greatest command is to love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind; with the second to love your neighbor as yourself. We can’t love each other by closing the door, especially the door to the church. God is the judge, not us the people, the church…so open the door to all.
       I am so sorry for your loss and know what you have started here will begin to heal many people, families, and bring our tears and separation to a place of unity and hopefully understanding, thank you.

       • Carolyn…I’ll send you the information now!

     • Linda, do you have a public FB page? I’d love to follow you on there!!

3. I read this story and my heart goes out to you and your family. I am a strong Christian who believes that God loves each of us! Your son sounds like an amazing person!! I am so sorry for this tragic loss and for the hate that some people are expressing. We are only called to love everyone. We should never judge- Please know there are people who never met you or your son but we too share your pain and offer our comfort and prayers. God Bless You

   • And God bless YOU, Elizabeth! Thank you so much for your kindness!

     • God bless you Linda… remember, if your son knew Jesus… then he is with the Lord now. I am sorry for your loss. It is such a struggle to know how to deal with this. I have the same struggle sweet friend.

4. I am so deeply saddened by your story, and my heart breaks for you and your family. As a parent of two adolescent boys, I have absolutely made my own fair share of mistakes. We all do. When your son came out, you handled it in the way that you thought best at that time. That’s what we do as parents. As individuals with different beliefs and views on the way children should be raised, we may choose to raise our children in a manner different from our neighbors, but we are all united in one fact; we love our children and genuinely want to do right by them. Those who are criticizing you for the way that you handled this should take a long look at themselves – have they not ever made a mistake? Have they not ever handled a situation with their child that they wish they could take back, do over, or erase all together?

   I am so sorry for your loss. You did what you thought was right and you have paid the ultimate price. I wish you peace and comfort, and I want you to know that your posts have encouraged me to talk to my boys, again, about how much I love them and accept them, unconditionally; gay, straight, or otherwise.

   • Thank you, Hayden…the fact that our story has encouraged you to love your own boys more unconditionally makes our pain a bit less.

5. Love thy person the way they are not how you want them to be. If they are gay and happy so be it.. I’m am straight any always be straight but if my sons and daughter choose to be gay I will support them till I die. Because I love them for who they became and how happy thier are

6. Sending deep gratitude for your words and love from my heart. God simply tells us to love. Thank you for sharing your grief to show that. I’ve shared your story on Facebook. I am sure many relationships may go differently because of your sharing your story about Ryan.

7. I read your story and I’m concerned. Concerned that. You are deceived. Wake up and smell the coffee, lady.for God is not mocked. Your son was not born homosexual , there is no such. Thing. It is a lie of the “father of lies, Satan ” used to cover up and try to excuse sin, lust, rebellion , against God , and depravity. Yes, you love your son, but you love and respect God above anyone and anything. You lost your focus. Quit lying to youself and tobeveryone else trying to get people to accept homosexuality. God calls it an abomination and you are not holier than God to call it anything else. Your son could have had a chance if you had stuck with God and waked in truth. Jesus is the way the truth and the light. Not you not me not the world. That’s the problem with people today. They want to be lord instead of bowing down to Jesus the Lord. Jesus left us a life instruction Manuel called this Bible. In it He tells us what is right and what is not. What is acceptable to God and what is not. People can legalize patronize and try to justify sin all they want just to satisfy their own lusts but what God saysh. His the only thing that matters becaus He’s th. e only truth thehhre is. You weren’t a Christian. You’re not a Christian now . A Christian is Christlike hense the name Christian. Jesus Christ will never go againt the Father. A Christian will never gonagainst. Christ. You. Should have taught your son to resistthe devil so the devil would flee. You sGould

   • Dear, Concerned Reader
     Omg you are such a horrible human being and if i believed in hell i would pay homage to every God to make sure you where there. i wish you the kind of suffering that you propagate to other people. So let me get this right? It is right and just that there son is dead? because god said it was not right? This beautiful human being is now dead because he was not excepted for who he was by the people that he loved and trusted the most. Do you think that he would have chose to be gay after everyone wouldnt except him if it was actually a choice? His family learned this and feel deep regret for it and can see the beautiful blessing there son left behind and that was to uncover there eyes and see not just a book and god but a human. Do you forget that the Bible was written by men and not by god. It may be words of god, sure ok. but do you really think there is no errors in there??? Me and this family dont believe the same way when it comes to religion. But that is neither here nor there because this family shared a PAINFUL, REGRETFUL, LEARNING EXPERIENCE. That sometimes they feel shame about. Have you ever done that you prick? Have you ever shared something that shames you and realized your mistakes and than wrote about it on social media where people could ridicule and judge you just hoping that maybe someone somewhere could learn from your mistake so they wouldnt make the same one. I doubt you have. . .you know why i know you havent? Because it actually take independent thought to come up with a way to teach people anything and all you have is a book made forever ago by men who thought that women should be beat if they didnt listen to there husband. jUST LIKE A GOOD CHRISTIAN TO EMBRACE AND SPEW HATE. If there ever was satan you are it. you spread hate like herpes and dont care who you infect. I send to you from me and mine back the hate that you are sending everyone way. Karma is real i just wish i could be there to see your face when she bites you on your incompetent arrogant ass!

     Love, me

     • Dear Anonymous,
       “i wish you the kind of suffering that you propagate to other people.” There is no point in wishing this as Concerned Reader is probably already experiencing it. Sometimes the pain is so deep that we forget where it came from (when we even know) and are left with its aftermath only. Sometimes the pain is so deep that if it should go away we would be left with a whole world to rebuild and the task seems so enormous that living in pain and inflicting pain (as a way to get some relief) seems the only obvious way there is to follow.
       Then God/religion/whatever seems to be a good excuse because it is a power stronger than anything and can’t be defeated. But the truth is that it is indeed a lack of faith from this person because he/she won’t trust that any power could take this wound away.
       Please forgive.

     • Dear Anonymous:

       I LOVE YOU!

   • Dear Linda

     You will often get illiterate nuts visiting your blog and saying all this nonsense, like anonymous over here. I ask that you ignore these kinds of hurtful, hate filled posts. Do not even give it a second thought i mean did you see their grammar? They are either uneducated or just trolls.

   • Dear Concerned Reader:

     That Bible of yours is an abomination to humanity as it teaches the world it is OK to be a bigot because the words in the Bible said so. If any of your children (if you have any) ever turn out to be gay and were hiding it for fear of being punished by you…not by God…but by YOU, I feel awful for them. If they are straight, I *STILL* feel awful for them because that means they were raised with the same hateful upbringing. Religion is the great divider. It never shows love. It only shows “love” for those who follow what path it commands you to. Wars have broken out because of religion and the Bible. Innocent people were burned at the stake because of religion and the Bible. If anything has ever taught me to hate, it was the Bible and the bigoted Evangelical Christians who have also judged me because I believe in love and equality. Your anti-gay camps are horrible and abusive. People there are taught to be ashamed of who they are. They are taught to hide who they are. They are taught to stay in the closet, and pretend to be something they are not so that this God of Love can accept them. Its horrible. How can you even say this is God’s love? Its not. Its more like Hitler wrote a book.

     Do yourself a favor and read the book “The Cross in the Closet” and get a fucking clue!

     • Not all religious people are bigots…
       I am a believer but I also agree with most of your statement. Religion has been a front for power and money grab and God must be weeping for what mankind has done in his name.

     • You are trying to change bible teachings to fit your way of life. Let6me ask you something about myself. I am very attracted to married coworker woman. She is in my mind every secoond of my life for 5 years. I tried everything to not think about her. I quit my job and moved to another city but no change. I attended counselling, I talked to my church prayer team they prayed for me. At Iast I told my wife about it. At first she was disappointed but she made a decision to pray with me with fasting. 2 Years passed. My wife left me. But I resisted to divorce my wife asked her to give me more time things will change. I told my wife I gave my life to JESUS divorce is a sin. Also loving another woman is a sin. I have to choose God’s word and resist this sin. I haven’t brought this strong feeling to this woman on myself. After five long years God visited me and delivered me from bondage who tortured me all these years.
       According to you I would have divorced my wife and go after the woman I dearly loved, because that was my fault God allowed it. Isn’t right?
       Temptation is always there but allowing my feeling to control me is not the choice I would have entertained. Please try to understand me. Stop using your nature as an excuse to sin against God. Don’t call God a Hitler because He is not agreed with your way of life, I pray God to give you time to repent before you die, sorry for my broken English.

       • I feel that your argument is outdated, as well as your mind set. There are many examples of people changing the bible to fit the way of their life. I don’t have to quote from it at all for you to know that right? You being so well-versed, on adulterous thoughts, stoning’s, feeding on animals with split hooves and wearing clothing from specific blends. As time and people change around us, many people have altered the bible to fit their needs. It’s not about the sin, it’s about the sinner. Love thy neighbor, turn your cheek, judge not lest ye be judged. So much wasted time on changing what the book states to be accustomed with progression of the human race. Not one person should be made to have such self-hatred and loathing that they don’t feel worthy of God’s love. Not one heart should break with that of such pain, tragedy and loss garnered by forced excerpts that foot the bill. Not one person has the right to choose from this book what they believe is right or wrong to soothe the situation of their judgment, that is left for God alone.

     • Hello Amielzbth,
       Very well said. I could not have said this any better. Thank you for standing up for love and equality!

     • The King James Bible is a tough book. We can’t decide what is right or wrong. Truth dictates what right and wrong is. For there is but one name given unto men by which we must be saved and thats the name of Jesus. We will all bow to him it is better to do it now than latter. The people who were burned at the stake, most of them were burned for printing the Bible in native tongues to free people from the bondage of the Church of Rome. Don’t take advice about God from anyone who lives in a 2 Trillion dollar mansion. Sit down and read the King James Bible from cover to cover. Don’t judge God by what you see people doing. Judge God on his word. More importantly ask Jesus to show you what truth is in sincerity and you will see it. It is interesting to see the entire world about to fight it out for the last time over a Jewish Israel. Interesting, I think I read that somewhere before? I guess that would mean the Jews would have to return home first. Also, I think I read that somewhere. The only thing that will save us is Jesus Christ. Regardless of what sin we have God is faithful and just to forgive us. But if you are proud, boastful, arrogant God will never hear you. Yes homosexuality is a sin and so are a whole list of other things we all love to do. But everyone needs to come to Jesus as a sinner. Soon you will literally be able to look upon the living Word of God and place your hands in his nail prints. But if you need to see to believe it then you will not enter into the kingdom of God. For flesh and blood can not inherit it, you must be born again from above. No one has ever been a Christian from birth. All paths lead to Jesus whether or not you truly accept him and are born again that dictates your eternity. There is a great darkness being stretched out across the globe. Death, WW3, disease, famine, and Authoritarianism are spreading across the planet. Choose you this day whom you will serve.

   • I think you are forgetting something very important and instead of pointing fingers why don’t you take a look at yourself. As a follower of God, your only job is to love. I will say that again because I want to make sure you understand. Your ONLY job is to love. God is the only who gets to make a judgment on someone’s sins. You sitting here passing judgment on Linda, that is you trying to Be God, not follow him.

   • Such hate, Concerned Reader. So unlike Jesus.

     • Telling the truth is not hate !!!!!

       • You don’t speak the truth for everyone, only yourself.

   • Dear Concerned Reader,
     It is very sad that you are ignorant and not educated to the truth. It is you who are deceived. The Bible also says that we are not to judge or God will render judgment to us just the same as we give it to others. If you do not have anything good to say, please save your comments for the judgmental Bible thumpers who want to deceive, control and manipulate others. No one here is interested in hearing your judgmental, hateful comments. Please do us all a favor and save your comments for those who want to hear them. No one hear is interested in hearing your negativity and judgmental comments. You are the one who is the Devil who walks around as a sheep in wolf clothing!

     • That is utter nonsense and Biblical illiteracy. God says we will and should judge ! We are not to condemn , but we are to judge. We live in a sick upside down world where sin is no no longer sin and right is no longer right. I am in Rome or Sodom…..

   • My son “came out” by waking me in the night from a deep sleep. Evidently so anguished and scared to tell me he finally mustered up enough confidence and that was the time. I was in disbelief, didn’t know what to say and wanted to go back to sleep and hope I was dreaming and in the morning our lives would still be the same. That did not happen. At the time of him telling me I was attending a church that read the Bible verbatim concerning homosexuality. I was very distraught thinking my son was in the dark side. He knew I loved him unconditionally but he also knew my position and my disrespect at the time for his choice, what I viewed as his choice. I tried to share the Bible with him. He wasn’t interested except to point out hate in the Bible, killing. I tried to tell him those accounts in the Old Testament are historical. God still loved David even though he made bad choices. God didn’t make the people do hurtful things yet He helped them overcome them. I tried to convince him he was making the wrong choice. Then the day came he announced he was marrying. I have never prayed so fervently about anyone as I did for my son. I cried everyday for almost a month. His plan for his life brought me to my knees. From such intense prayers God answered. God opened my heart. He said “Love”, He told me He sent His only Son to tell us to Love. To Love God and to Love each other. Listening to the sermons at church caused me to almost decline attending my son’s wedding. How could I honor God and attend showing my support? From almost a month of “fervent” prayer I was given words to write for my son and his spouse to be, words of love that formed into poems. I stood up at his ceremony, a ceremony most probably thought I would not attend, and read the poems I believe were put on my heart to write. Jesus tells us He did not come to judge us, yet we take it upon ourselves to readily do so daily. Months after the wedding I was still in a quandary about homosexuality and God’s word. One day while praying my daily prayers for myself, for others, in thanks to God, to Jesus, to the Holy Spirit, God gave me an answer and I wasn’t even focused on my son. As I prayed I felt His message to me concerning the issue of being gay. I wrote a letter to the House of Representatives of our state, the vote for marriage rights was coming soon. I received many responses reflecting the power of the letter. I feel I was infused with the words to write through prayer. Only God promotes Love. We love because He first loved us-1John 4:19. I am so thankful I have a personal relationship with the Lord and I know I can go straight to Him. If you would have told me prior to my son telling me he was gay that I would be promoting gay rights today, I would have said you are wrong, no way. God changed my heart. Jesus changed my heart. We are to love and forgive, two actions very difficult to do. I now respect my son and his spouse, not just “love” them but also think they are sinning. I had to work through my son’s next announcement of having a baby. My granddaughter was definitely sent by God from Heaven, as I believe all of us are. Now my job, all of our jobs are to make sure we care for her in the most loving way. I have her back so to speak. I imagine my fellow “Christians” might be the biggest opposing factor if she has any negative comments. I believe God sent her to us. Her grandma is ready to stand up for her and speak up and say, to love Christ, to be a Christian, is to love. Jesus tells us he may say I do not know you. I imagine His words to reflect using His name without living His heart, His message.
     Ryan Robertson lives eternally, he has left us here with an amazing life line, to love each other. My heart goes out to his parents and family and I pray no other family has to experience what they have been through. You too can stand up for your child, I believe it is what God put you here to do,

   • “Concerned Reader” be only concerned for yourself. You appear to be one of those “holier than thou” so-called “Christians” that judge others and act self righteous, like you know everything. To tell Linda that she is not a Christian now???? How arrogant of you. God says to hate the sin and love the sinner. You are the reason I no longer attend a denominational church. God has seen me through 67 years of life so far, I went to a Baptist church for many, many years, and, while I so enjoyed the messages, the songs, the fellowship, the few people in the congregation that was so biased about everything but how they believed people should dress, act, speak, just simply live their lives turned me away. I now worship God while riding my lawnmower, while taking a walk, while cooking dinner, anytime, anywhere, any way I choose. Shame on you!

   • I don’t believe God would appreciate your judgement. You are an evil person.

   • Concerned Reader aka Troll

     This mother lost her son! Seriously. If you are going to be a troll comment somewhere else. You could harm a lot of people who read this. It only took one ex-gay testimony for me to be stuck in a movement for three years that almost lead to my suicide. If someone took you seriously there is no telling what that person may be lead to do. In short, don’t be a jerk. Or join a parody group and make satire (in the appropriate time and place) a career.

8. I’m so sorry that people are saying such terrible things to you guys. I’m a very liberal person who grew up in a very religious community (son of a Southern Baptist preacher). I stopped going to church because of the way it treated my gay friends. The fact that you guys changed your position when you realized you were wrong is so rare and should be praised and encouraged by liberals. Your story is so sad, but also beautiful and meaningful. It makes me think there is hope for the church after all. Thank you for being brave enough to share.

   • Thank you, Jacob, for being willing to stand up for your friends when it really mattered. People like YOU are going to change this world.

9. Hi Linda,

   I have to say, your story about Ryan is truly moving and brought me to tears. My son came out to me 2 short weeks ago and it’s definitely been a struggle. I love him with every breath in my body, and I just want him to be happy. And if he finds that with a boyfriend, then that’s the way it will be and everyone will have to accept his decision in a partner. As hard as it is to hear about his relationship, I just sit and listen with a lump in my throat, but I know it’s something that I HAVE to do in order to keep my close relationship with my son. I just keep thinking about your story, your journey with your boy, and it breaks my heart to think that you can’t listen to his stories about the love that he’s found, or that he’s finally happy with who he is. It’s my vow to always be there to listen to my son, really listen, to his stories and his journey, for all the moms out there that aren’t able to listen their sons or daughters stories.

   • P, you just made my night….Bless you, my friend!! There is no greater gift another mom can give me than to hear that she is loving her child with less fear and more determination after hearing our story….HUGE hugs to you!!

     • Hi Again…
       So glad that I made your night, and I truly meant every word of it. Also, I was just reading through some of the comments… Wow, can people really be that ignorant? I’m truly shocked that people could write such horrific things to somebody that has lost a child. I for one believe that no matter the ignorance and stupidity that people have, it’s not my job to judge them, I just think they need to learn to keep their feelings or comments to themselves. (Plus they are the ones that need to look at themselves in the mirror everyday… If they even see their reflection, that is)
       Anyhow, I am going to share your journey with my son. And another friend of mine that is on the same journey as myself…
       Thank you for sharing….
       P

       • MUch love to you, P ❤

10. I am shocked at how you have been attacked for sharing something so deeply painful and personal. Just shocking. Your story really helped me. Such a heartbreaking thing to lose your son. I can’t even imagine it. I’m sorry for his pain and yours. Please try to ignore the vile comments. Those are not coming from a place of understanding, empathy or love. It is clear to me that you are honest in your regret and desire to truly help others so that they may avoid so much pain. I know you wish to just have your son back more than anything.

    • Thank you, indogirl, for believing in my heart. ❤ I do truly hope and pray that our story may help even one family to avoid what we've gone through. Thanks for getting that.

11. A beautiful but so sad story. We wish you and your family only the best. Take care.

12. Linda, my brother (who is gay) recently forwarded me your article and I was completely blown away by your story. A few months back I wrote an article about the often painful interaction between conservative Christianity and homosexuality, especially among family members. It’s an emotionally complicated clash between two of the most deeply personal aspects of people’s lives: faith and identity. I feel like your article is the heart of my more heady approach to the topic, which is simply a passionate plea for everyone to start the dialogue with compassion for each other. I would be honored if you would read what I wrote and let me know your thoughts. I, like you, want the message of love and compassion to be the catalyst for the desperately needed change we need within the church on this issue. http://meansoftruth.blogspot.com/2013/11/homosexuality-and-christianity-call-to.html

    • Looking forward to reading it, Daniel, and sharing it here!!

13. This is absolutely heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing this, Linda. Much love and strength to your family ❤ ❤ The Christian response to LGBT is so topical at the moment, and it is important that real stories like yours are read – the dogmatic, rule-bound application/interpretation of our faith needs to change, because judgment and shunning is not what Jesus preached. Even though I am straight, I have been grappling with this issue lately, especially since a small number of my Christian friends have 'come out'. More and more (especially thanks to hard-hitting stories like your own – I am in tears that your family had to experience something like this) I am changing my views re. LGBT orientations. I haven't reached an answer regarding scriptural 'condemnation' of these orientations in contrast with people's clearly innate sexuality, but this is clear: Our God-given mandate was not to go out and condemn people, but to LOVE – the most important commandment of all, in Jesus' own words. Whatever our take on this issue, if we are hurting and turning people away from God with our interpretation of scripture, something is not right. This is getting a lot of people thinking deeply and with their hearts. Thank you again Linda… no child should pass on before their parents, but Ryan's passing is already impacting people is SUCH an important way. LOTS of love.

    • You are so very wise…THANK YOU for taking the time to read our story and to open your heart to this “issue”…which really isn’t an issue at all, but a matter of the souls of people created in God’s image.
      “If we are hurting and turning people away from God with our interpretation of scripture, something is not right.” Amen and amen!!

14. Good afternoon Linda,

    First of all, I want to apologize for my english writting, but my mother tongue is french, and I’m still learning english.

    So I also want to say as an introduction that I can’t understand the fact to be a mother, because I am not, so I can’t understand the fact to loose a child either. But, I just want to say something to you.I know it’s going to be easy to say and hard to do. I’m aware of that. You are about to fight a battle. ( already fighting but it is going to be a bigger one, I think), It is going to be a long way. As Paul says to Timothy in his second letter, fight the goog fight. I think you should read again the whole 2nd letter to timothy. Actually I just wanted to share with you a verse, but I read it again, and I think you should do the same. Especially 2Tim chap3 verse 10 to 16.
    Ok, now I have something else to tell you. I know that is a little bit harsh but please don’t make the life of your son become a museum for you and your family, don’t let it happen, even in your mind. It is dangerous. Focus on Jesus, and the way in front of you. Don’t look back too often and try to take care of the next step. Read also Proverbs 4, the all chapter please. I really think it will be helpfull. It was for me a month ago.
    I wish you the best, and God bless you.
    By the way, your story touched my heart deeply, I really cry when I read your post. I will end my post by a kind of proverb we use to say in France, I really don’t know where it comes from but I am sure you have almost the same in USA : “Après la pluie, le beau temps”.

    • Cassandre, your English is beautiful. Thank you so much for sending me the scripture references, I will definitely read them all and ask the Lord to show me what He wants to teach me. And yes, keep our eyes on Jesus…that was exactly the theme of the sermon this morning at church. Much love to you, my sister!

15. Hi , i’m a boy from south America and last year i came out to my parents, they don’t accept me, i inow they love me but they said they would kill me if i keep thinking that i’m gay .basically i went back to the closet 😦 ….. And i have been really deppressed …. All i want to do is to finish with this , for one part i want to be happy with a guy, but on the other hand i want to make my parents happy too, i just think it might be eassier if i don’t exist anymore .

    • Jmhe….I am SO sorry. It is understandable that you are so very, very discouraged…I want to encourage you to reach out for help. I know a FANTASTIC web-based counselor, if that would be a possibility for you (http://www.thechristiancloset.com/), she is a dear friend of mine and has made a HUGE difference in so many lives.
      Also, if you are having suicidal thoughts, please call The Trevor Project (http://www.thetrevorproject.org/)…That is exactly what they are there for. You can text or chat with them, too…They might just be the lifeline you need.
      Jmhe, it may not seem like it now, but you can have a WONDERFUL life whether or not your parents ever accept you as gay. I am assuming you still live with them, like Ryan did with us, and that makes it incredibly hard. But it WILL get better. Take a few minutes and watch a few of the videos at It Gets Better (http://www.itgetsbetter.org/)…they might give you a little slice of hope.
      I wish I could hug you and tell you how LOVED you are by God, and by me, even though we’ve never met. My heart is breaking for you right now, and you will be in my prayers, dear friend. If you are on Facebook, please find me and friend me, okay? I am Linda Mueller Robertson there. SO MUCH LOVE to you, Jmhe!!

16. Hi Linda,

    We’ve spoken before on here, I just wanted to let you know I think about you often and I am thankful for your work. Today I mentioned you and linked your page in a post on my own (new) blog page regarding how others speak to LGBTQ members. You can see it at http://www.feministflair.com/friendly-tolerant-and-hateful/ if you would like. I appreciate everything that you are doing. Love light and blessings.

    -Tara

    • Bless you for YOUR work, Tara!

      • I enjoyed your story and am saddened by your loss. I knew I was gay from an early age, my mother did’nt bother to question my sexuality and was not very religious. I’m thankful she was’nt. I’ve lived with a male friend for over 38 years, not a sexual relationship. I believe in loving everyone, but just living with a man brings ugly looks from the community I live in. This is what the Bible has done to people’s minds. I’m not married. I despise the hate in the American mindset. I believe in God and know I’m loved by God as much as anyone on Earth. Peace and love to you.

17. There is a definite reason why God created gay/lesbian people. I am also an Evangelical – One of the most important verses in the Word is ‘For all have sinned, and fallen short of the glory of God’. God created gay people to show His Love for All people, And because He is a Just God – He put an additional burden on them as it says in the Word – they(gay) people produce a stench in His nostrils – why is this verse saying this – it is to allow the gay to see that God wants them to lead a straight life pleasing to Him. In order to help the gay person – the very first thing that should be done is lead them to Christ.

    If the Church is doing their job the churches main job is to preach the Gospel of Christ in Power and Truth and lead people to Salvation in Christ – the parents primary duty is to have a loving Christian home where they are to talk to their kids about God and His plan for their lives – with the Major emphasis on leading them to salvation in Christ – once they are saved – let the Church teach them about the Word an let Christ deal with the gay issue.

    Some gays/lesbians are weak wired and some are hard wired – However once they are Saved then the Chief Mediator – Christ – has the ability to open their eyes and turn things around.

    • “The Gay Issue?” “Stench to His nostrils?” So God uses gay people to give an example of how crappy people are? Yeah, no. Troll alert! But just in case…

      I’m ex-ex-gay now. Yes, I am still a Christian

      When I was in the ex-gay movement I:
      – could no longer manage my anxiety disorders
      – could only leave my house for school (because my anxiety was so bad)
      – hated myself
      – was really depressed
      – started self-harming
      – developed an eating disorder that left me weighing less than 85 pounds
      – scared the crap out of my parents (see above)
      – fainted in public
      – thought I would condemn any person I loved to hell
      – thought that God hated me
      – couldn’t cope anymore and;
      – was torn between hanging myself (so I could give a good-bye letter to my parents) or making my death look like an accident (to save them some pain).

      Since leaving the ex-gay movement and intense (actual) treatment for everything and self-acceptance therapy I:
      – manage my anxiety disorders
      – am on the honor role in university, work part time and volunteer
      – am satisfied with myself
      – recovered from depression
      – stopped self-harming
      – gained all my weight back and work hard to avoid relapse (remission is great!)
      – made my parents proud (my step-mom totally accepts me as a lesbian, my Dad doesn’t know yet – but I think he would rather have a lesbian daughter than a dead kid)
      – am open to a relationship and hope to be married and parent someday
      – know God loves me and;
      – am finally happy!

      To anyone who reads this: Don’t promote the ex-gay movement unless you are LGBT and know what it can do to someone.

18. I have a homosexual son. He is 51 years old so we have lived with this a long time. I am a christian. He was brought up in church and knows what the bible says about homosexuality. We love him dearly and in fact he just left our house after Thanksgiving dinner. We have had his friends over for dinner. A question I have for all parents who think that because someone is gay that we have to say the bible and God are wrong or that the bible is being misinterpreted. That we should condone that life style. What if our children go to college and some teacher talks them into atheists? What if they are into drugs rapists, thieves, drunkards? The bible says’ 1 Corinthians 6:9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God. All things are lawful unto me,” So there is a way of escape according to the bible.
    I pray all the time for my son and also another son who believes in God but really does not live like it. Both need Jesus, both need to come to repentance for the way they are living. Both are disobeying God and his word. I wish I make them live the way of the bible but that is their choice. I can only talk to them about it and pray.

19. We lost my brother, the fourth of four boys and the best man at my wedding a few short years after he admitted to us that he had both tried to kill himself and was gay. The message you are sharing is badly needed. Today is Thanksgiving, eight years since we lost Henry, and it was one of our favorite days of the year together. I do wonder if his environment had been different throughout adolescence- more accepting of homosexuality as part of the spectrum of God’s vast and beautiful creation- if he would have suffered as much, been driven to such self-dislike, or if the mental illness he eventually succumbed to (including drugs, runs through detention/courts, etc…while a student at Harvard) was just like his homosexuality: a predisposition of genetics. Hard to parse that out now- I’m not as certain as my family that it’s all genetic, but I am certain that I miss him and he was a wonderful, wonderful guy that touched a lot of lives in his short time on Earth. Mothers and fathers, love your gay sons and daughters so that you may have them and enjoy them your whole lives. Thank you for what you wrote- I hope every gay young person in the world has parents who read something like this blog.

    • Oh, Ted…I am in tears. I am so very, very sorry that you understand, all too well, why we are sharing our story. My heart breaks for you and your family…and for your brother. So thankful that now both he and Ryan are no longer in pain.

20. Put you up on my Facebook for every parent to read. And re-read. And every evangelical to read–and re-read. Linda you have guts. And you are on the right path.

21. Hello i just wanted to express how sorry i am for you and husband is loss. I lived a homosexual life for 31 years , very confused and depressed along with other things. Nothing or no one made me happy but one day a co worker took me to lunch and opened the bible to lev. 18:22 told me to read it and walked away in three years time i found myself standing at an edge of a rock ready to commit suicide but the Word of the Lord showed up that day and Jesus came home with me and show me who He created. I am free, free, free. Shortly afterwards my daughter came out of the closet but i loved her and prayed and believed in the same Jesus that delivered me. Now my daughter is free with four beautiful children. Your Faith will make you whole. Be Bless.Mom and Dad never give up on your children because God did not give up on you.

22. My 36 yr old daughter has been with a woman 6 yrs,she is a horrible person,has abused my 14 yr old g Son,I will NOT CONDONE IT even if I wasn’t a Christian,so she hates me said said it & doesn’t talk to me I am tired of it all this is against what God wants for us its wrong,not to mention just right down nasty,she has kept my 3 g babies from me,even though I raised my oldest from her 13 yrs.,then my middle one 7 yrs.my g daughter 2.5 yrs. I can see how you can accept this I am not saying your not to love them,but I cannot be fake and say I am fine with it, I cant cause I would be lying to myself,I mean this person really abused him I had my G Son all summer & went for custody,cause he did not live 6 months with me the stupid judge let it go I talked to him today,he sneaks calls to me & told me how things aren’t to good,anyway I am sorry for your loss,but I cannot except this & won’t

    • Sounds to me like, if you want your grandchildren in your life, you have to accept it. What’s more important-you right to be right or having the grandchildren in your life?

    • Mom, prayer does changes things.

23. Hey! I am a gay christian 15 and have evangelical parents. For many years (11ish to 15) I had been miserable I knew I liked guys but I was hoping somehow God would change me and make me straight. During that time I was astounded at how evangelicals thought when I went to a youth conference. At that conference we had a special “class” we could take on homosexuality and at the time every word they said made since “life long celibacy”, “just another thing people struggle with” everyone nodded their head and accepted what the speaker said, and even to me as a gay person it made since. However couple weeks after God splashed me with some nice cold water and I began digging… trying to find support anywhere… and most of all finding out if google believed I could be gay and Christian. And my goodness their are so many organizations and people out their supporting us, however I have noticed as far as Christian Organizations their is really only x-gay things out their (I did email with an ex-gay person for awhile hoping he could change me but when he told me I should go to this place that also treated drug and alchohol addiction I was kinda done with that) but now you have started a movement. Thank you much for being a leader for us!

    I am deep in the closet and out of safety have decided it is probably best not to come out till after HS, but with all you people out their, I am happy most of the time!

    I am so sorry for your pain. Thank you so much for all you are doing here I wish I could be out their indirectly with you spreading the good news and helping people but it won’t be possible for bit.

    Thankyou for your work!

    Also for you gay teens out their reading this here are some awesome places
    https://www.gaychristian.net (we kinda have a topic pretty soon the will update the site and give us our own group… but their are some really caring adults with advice)
    https://www.youtube.com/user/depfox (real gay family… and their kinda christian except I’m pretty sure they think all Gods lead to heaven)
    http://www.itgetsbetter.org (really awesome encouragement! Also look up BYU, Microsoft, and Pixars it gets better videos)
    http://www.thetrevorproject.org/ (they even text!)
    george takei’s fb (you can follow him and say you did it because your a trekie he posts cool LGBT stuff)

    • You sure are wise – way beyond your 15 years! I am so thankful that you are able to listen to God yourself, and to know that He adores you exactly as you are!!

    • my dear henry, I am now 54 years old , just so ya know, I am also a gay Christian, I myself knew at 6years old that I liked boys way more than anything in the world.
      I was in jr high when I had my first experience, but , I never came out , even to this present day I never felt the need to come out , and I simply believe that its just not necessary. I say that because, for me , coming out is like putting a label on myself, my family knows I like men, as well as my friends,
      but I have never come out. I tell people that are shocked when they find out or realize that I like guys, that I am neither gay nor straight, I am simply me. like me or not , this is me. I am just an ordinary man that is attracted to other guys.
      So mister Henry, please if you will , Always be yourself, always think of yourself as worthy, never less than, and most importantly, ALWAYS LOVE YOURSELF FIRST, I did not, for if you love yourself first, then you are able to love others in a healthy way. I do not know why I felt it necessary to tell you all of this , but I do know that God does, and that’s good enough for me . For you my dear henry I wish you much love and peace, and the very joy of Christ. keith, McDaniel.

    • Dear Henry; good on you son. I admire the obviously intelligent way in which you are managing your life. God loves you just as you are. I’m a 57 year old straight bloke with six children. God didn’t put me in charge of my children’s sexuality. He gave me charge of their hearts and, for a small time, their minds. My job was to bring them up as good friends, good employees, good neighbours, good citizens, good husbands, good wives and good sons and daughters. I truly believe that God has zero interest in our sexuality. He only cares about how we treat other people.

      I’d like to wish you all the very best in your journey through life.

      God Bless and Kind Regards

      Ralph

      • Ralph,
        I couldn’t agree with you more. You couldn’t be more right!

    • Thankyou all for your kind words :). And a big thank you to Mrs. Robertson, I cant believe that you are replying to most of the messages on here, even the hateful one. Thank you all!

      • Huge hugs to you, Henry!

    • Hey Henry,

      Thanks for telling your story! 🙂 I am a 21 year old lesbian Christian. Our stories are pretty similar except I actually went with the ex-gay thing before I found the support. Congrats on avoiding the ex-gay stuff. No matter what anyone says, ex-gay ministries will only hurt you. You are an inspiring young teen and I love the links. Your post could help a lot of people. 🙂 There is a lot of support out there and I am happy that you are doing well. 😀

      Also, the Gay Christian network has a secret Facebook Group for older teens and early 20 year olds. (I think you are one year below our groups age category. But you could probably still join.) (It’s secret so none of your Facebook friends will know you are a part of it.) Ask around on GCN, I’m pretty sure someone could add you to it. 🙂

24. I am so sorry for your loss! It
    is something no parent
    should go through, and
    concerned believers should at
    least emphatize with it as
    they write their comments.
    As always, the church does
    need to be more Christlike in
    its reaching out to the
    outcasts of the society, no
    matter the reason. We tend
    to ignore the pain people go
    through because they are
    gay, and there needs to be
    more compassion.
    But, there should also and
    always be truth. Practicing
    homosexuality is sinful,
    whether in physical or
    thought life. The Bible cannot
    be more clear on the matter,
    no matter what people say!
    I believe we Christians have
    to learn to love gay people,
    as we tend to love other
    sinners also, even though we
    are aware those who practice
    it without repentance are
    most likely not saved or are
    struggling in their faith… but
    being saved is not a
    prerequisite to love!
    My heart trully goes out to
    you, and thank you for
    showing both your pain and
    the pain your son went
    through! This is very
    important for our
    understanding and growth in
    love and compassion. Yet, do
    not stop loving God’s
    holiness because you think
    that rejecting it is needed in
    order to show love to fellow
    sinners. You would not do it
    for a killer or an adulterer,
    but you would love them
    despising even their very
    garments.
    God bless you with His grace
    and understanding!

    • Love the sinner and hate the sin! I agree Pastor! We cannot compromise on God’s Word because it feels like it’s the “Loving” thing to do. Actually, loving ANY sinner is sharing the transforming Power of God’s Love through God’s TRUTH! And let God do the changing! I believe what happens, is that, we are the ones trying to change the sinner and we fail, we give in and accept their sinful behavior and try to compromise on God’s TRUTH. However if we only follow His command to share His Gospel and let Him do the changing then we would see different results. “What is impossible for man is possible for God “!

      • Pastor Frank, with much respect, nobody hears or feels love when we Christians use the phrase, “love the sinner, hate the sin.” It isn’t in the Bible, and it just isn’t loving. Most people that use it don’t mean to be hurtful, but it is, nonetheless.

25. Thank you for the work you are doing!! Speaking as a gay Christian I can tell you it is not easy in any way. What you are doing is speaking the TRUTH the real word that God wants all of us to know! God bless you for speaking the truth! God bless you for telling your story! May His love forever shine on you and everyone who backs you about this.
    Much Love,
    Anonymous

26. Linda. I am sorry about what happened to your son. I am a Christian, and I have two gay nephews—both a couple of the nicest and finest people you would ever want to meet. Both were raised in go-to-church-all-week Southern Baptist Convention churches. Both have suffered in different ways—one openly and one silently. One stayed at home another moved to a city far away.

    I do not expect you to agree with me because I am a member of the United Methodist Church, but I firmly believe that Christian fundamentalist and conservative evangelical churches have abandoned the red letter words of Jesus in the New Testament. They might read them on Sunday. They might preach them. They might give them lip service. However, in their hearts, the pastors and leaders of these churches do not BELIEVE IN those red letter words—and do not truly live them. These churches destroy their members and draw them away from Jesus Christ. If the pastor of your church and its members had truly believed that one should “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” and “love thy neighbor as thyself,” and had been willing to put them into practice, I sincerely believe that your son would still be alive today and in excellent relationship with you. I think it is a wonderful thing that you want to change these churches and make them more loving and humane. However, I am not optimistic about your chances of success. Jesus is about love. They are about law, and love is despised. Historically, the cold hearts of these churches and their emphasis on so-called “right doctrine” has made them virtually impervious to any kind of change. If you fail, I hope you will not lose faith and be despondent, and I especially hope that you will not feel that Jesus has abandoned you. The right thing to do in that moment—when it comes—and I think it will—is to flee to one of the many churches springing up across American that emphasize the red letters of Jesus, love God, and recognize that the Old Testament covenant with the Jewish people and its laws do not apply to Christians today. Jesus ended that covenant and established a new covenant based on mercy, love, and peace.

    Here is a website that will very much help you in your journey towards reconciling with your son’s death and turning that lemon into lemonade:

    http://johnpavlovitz.com/2014/09/17/if-i-have-gay-children-four-promises-from-a-christian-pastorparent/

    • dover1952 – That is one of my favorite blogs! Isn’t it wonderful? And, believe it or not, we attend a church that is VERY focused on Jesus’ words and not the law…and a church that supports our LifeGroup of 30+ young adults, all LGBTQ Christians! Change is happening!

27. Linda, thank you for showing the world how to love their gay sons and daughters. Loving our children is not the hard part…loving them and accepting a lifestyle that we have been taught to reject..no questions asked is another story. I was married for 20 years to the love of my life and just after celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary my husband said he was gay..we divorced 9 months later. My eldest son, 25, has also claimed to be gay. Both have accepted Christ as their Savior at one point in their lives. I even met my husband at Bible college. I love them both. I know what it says in scripture but I choose to love them anyway and accept them for who they are. They know where I stand, but the also know they are loved unconditionally. I pray for them constantly..pray that they will listen to those nudgings from the Holy Spirit. I could spend my time fretting over whether they will be allowed into heaven..spent way too much time on this…but I have chosen to continue praying for them and love them…trying to show them the unconditional love of Jesus. I believe in the God of miracles and I pray for one each day. Who knows, maybe God is allowing this to happen in my life so that I may help someone else going through this trial.

    Blessings and peace to you,
    Tammy Frew (also from WA…Bellingham)

28. First I want to say that I feel for any parent especially a Christian parent that has to go through the confusion of having to deal with a child who claims to be homosexual.

    What I want to know is this from whoever but specifically if possible the creator of this blog. Since the creator is organizing so many Christian parents with homosexual children.

    Do you believe that your children were born gay? Or do you think they chose that lifestyle?

    • I KNOW that Ryan did not choose to be gay. However, he was. It was never a choice.

      • Wow, you made the Drudge Report! You and your husband loved and will always love your son unconditionally and he will always know this. I wonder why so many young adults are gay compared to a generation or two ago. Same goes for the increase in breast cancer. How does the widespread use of birth control pills factor into all of this? Or soy baby formula or other estrogen-increasing environmental exposures? I believe it is usually never a choice to be gay, but why the seemingly increase in numbers (same goes for breast cancer)? No judgement here, just a scientific observation/inquiry.

        • The percentage of gay people has always been the same, they just hid in the closet and led secret lives. I know many in my generation (Baby boomers) that are coming out after being married with children.Many suspected gays in history led secret lives: Michel Angelo, DaVinci, Alexander the Great, The Last Emperor in China, Edgard Hoover, to name a few
          .
          Fortunately now we live in a more open society and they do not need to hide anymore.

      • There is a choice in it, after all. And that is the part that is killing all of us. This is what is confusing the masses so deeply. We choose whether or not we want to tell the people around us how we truly feel inside. Because the moment you say it out loud, there is no turning back. Some people fight it, get married, try to be ‘straight’ and ultimately lose. Others never come out, and live a lie their entire life. Just like there are people who know it as young as 7 (for me that was when I knew), embrace it as who they really are and come out regardless of consequences. This is why people who are ignorant think it is a choice to BE gay, because it is hard for all of us depending on our demographic, our family, our religion, our culture, our self-esteem to embrace who we are and not live in fear of it. Choosing to tell you is our choice, but that is the only choice we have.

        • And those of us who hear are so much better for it. Much love to you, Dawn.

    • Born. I would never have chosen the difficulties I have experienced just to be who I am and love who I love.

29. The truth is you hounded your son to his own death. God, I hope the two of you rot in hell for what you did. You weren’t and aren’t loving people. I came out as a teenager in 1980 and fought you god damned “Christians” with all my might – and you’re still out there killing us. I hope this was the worst Thanksgiving you have ever had. Your god is a demon – and you his willing servants. What damage you Christians have done to us all.

    • Gently Ray, it wasn’t your son who died. I’m sure their Thanksgiving was dreadful. Christmas will be, as will the anniversary of his birthday and his tragic death. Do you think the Robertsons don’t feel this way already. In the dark of the night I’m sure they say similar things to themselves. I’m sure they rail at God too. He doesn’t mind; he loves us no matter what we do.

      I have been an active Christian since I was 25 years old and I’m now 57. I have many gay friends and I thank God for them every day. I also thank God for my six children, my wider family, all my friends, my colleagues, the strangers I see on the street and you Ray.

      On behalf of all Christians who truly understand Jesus’ instruction to love our neighbours I’d like to apologise to you for all the hurt people from churches have caused you and which you have carried for so very long. I’m really sorry. It saddens me to the depths of my being when people add conditions to my lord’s simple instruction to love our neighbours.

      Ray I would like to wish you a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy and Prosperous New Year. If you don’t mind I will pray for you. In that prayer I will ask God to bless you with good friends, good health and a long and happy life.
      God Bless and Kind Regards
      Ralph

      • Oh, Ralph..this is beautiful. And yes, you know exactly what those holidays are like for us. Bless you for getting it.

      • Ralph,

        A very nice post to Ray and you inspire me with such kind words for all mankind. I will pray for us all today. Have a wonderful holiday season.
        P.S. Say an extra prayer for me because I have zero tolerance for evil like Ray since I lost a child. God picks the beautiful flowers first and leaves the ugly weeds for last.

        • Dearest Colleen, Ray isn’t any more evil in God’s eyes than the rest of us. He is just another human being who carries a burden he can’t put down. That really hurts. I’m truly sorry you lost a child the pain of that is hard to bare. Some beautiful flowers grow to be ugly weeds like me. I honestly feel that God scoops up what life cuts down, he doesn’t choose some over others.

          Colleen I have prayed and asked God to give you a powerful experience of his love for you and everyone else.

          I’d like to wish you and all you love a Very Merry Christmas and a future full od blessings.

          Kind Regards, Ralph Birch

    • So Ray, you yourself have just done the same thing to Christians as “some” Christians do to the gay community. Maybe even worse. You are hearing from Christians that are trying to change the way we respond to the gay and fighting religious teachings and you want them to “rot in hell” and hope this is the “worst Thanksgiving they ever had”. You have just said all Christians are awful and you show “no tolerance” even to those that come to your defense. Good luck using that approach to change the way people think.

    • Mr. Shelton, may I suggest you take your unresolved issues and anger out in therapy instead of on a grieving family? Your post is filled with hate that has nothing to do with what happened and is really about you. Your last line sums that up quite well. Seek help, it’s available.

    • Linda, I hope this goes to you and not to Ray Shelton (who obviously has been hurt by “Christians” and is struggling). I’m sorry for the pain you have daily, but appreciate that you are reminding Christians that none of us is worthy of love except for the fact that God made us. Because we exist, we are worthy of living! Ray, if you see this, it is not only gay men and women who have been harmed by this so-called “Christianity”…I am not gay, but growing up believing certain “teachings” really screwed me up in plenty of ways. However, it’s not God, it’s people screwing this all up. It’s religion and religion is an institution. Institutions aren’t concerned with the people, but the structure — with WHAT you are and what you can offer the institution. Organizations are concerned with WHO you are. Humans create institutions. Blech! Peace and love to both of you.

    • Ray, your comment makes me really sad. It sounds like you have been really hurt. I am so sorry. You deserve the love and compassion that this family has shown and Ray it’s not too late. There are so many organizations that would love to support you on your journey. Please reach out to them and accept that none of us are perfect and are true products of our environment. However, like Linda and her husband, we can change the way we feel about something but it has to start in our own hearts first. Good luck my friend. I trust today is a new beginning for you!

    • Ray: you have missed the point of this blog, in their own story: yes, the Robertsons hounded their son to his death, yes they are in living hell over their guilt, yes they admit they were not loving people.

      If you do not allow people to grow, become “up” from prejudice, then the world cannot, by definition, change for the better. Through this blog, the Robertsons are making a bit of right for their awful wrong. That is the purpose here, help preventing harm to other children. The Robertsons are not asking for forgiveness, they are not asking to be relieved of their sins; they are telling their story in hopes that it can prevent others from making the same mistakes.

      If they continue, every day they will a day they reckon with how they hounded their son, every day they will suffer their living hell, and every day they will be reminded that they were not loving people. That is as it should be. And from all of that, they make aware to others as warning and an enlightenment that saves other children from the fate of their son.

      That is worthy of respect.

30. You and your son were the victims of a malady that has been vexing our society for a long time: the belief that a pile of paper IS our God, rather than a history of human relationships with God. The Bible is a complex, often self-contradictory, series of documents written across the span of many centuries from the points of view of human beings who could no more fully comprehend God than we do. Many people take a highlighter pen to the Bible and read only those passages they want to read. Parts of it are quite scary. These parts are commonly overlooked for that reason. The ancient Law laid down in Leviticus and Deuteronomy contains many rules we consider bizarre, if not outright barbaric, by our modern standards.

    Christ tried to rectify ongoing mistakes. But one thing that is fascinating about Him. He lived in Judea during a time when it was a part of the Roman Empire, and Greco-Roman culture was prominently represented in the land. Despite this, you must look elsewhere in scripture for condemnations of homosexuality. The Lord Himself seemingly found the topic very uninteresting, because He did not speak of it. Given the time and culture, you would expect that He would have had at least as much to say about it as today’s preachers and pundits. Instead He seemed to ignore the matter.

    Yet Christ spoke of other things. He warned that the wealthy would not find easy entry into Heaven. This is something that few preachers in America today like to draw attention to (and become upset when Pope Francis does so). We like our materialistic culture, and don’t want to be told that avarice is a sin that could keep one from Heaven, even though Christ warned that it could do exactly that. Those are His directly spoken words, ignored or dismissed as metaphor.

    But obscure passages condemning homosexuality, some of questionable provenance, are highlighted as held up as the most important part of the Bible. Why? Because the sin that one is not guilty of oneself is always the best sin to declare the “worst”.

    I myself gave up trying to untangle the Bible a long time ago. In time, it occurred to me that Bible-focused worship is itself a form of idolatry. God exists outside of those pages. The Gospels recount only a minute fraction of the conversations that Christ must have had during His time on Earth. If the Divine is to be regarded as a living presence, and not lifeless paper, then one must learn to stop trying to find chapter/verse references for everything (especially since the books of the Bible were not written that way in the first place).

    My condolences on your loss. I believe that the Lord knows the difference between lost children and those who truly reject Him. You have faith. Hold fast to it. Your family will be whole again in the fullness of eternity.

31. Hi Rob and Linda,

    Thank you for sharing your experience. I read about your story through the Daily Mail and was moved not only by what you two went through but also by the sight of you kissing your son while he was in hospital. Your son did not die in vain because of the work that both of you are doing in reaching out to parents in a similar situation. By showing your care, love and concern for them. Please keep up the good work. Ignore those people who choose to hate and judge. They claim to be Christian but their identity is nothing but just a hollow identity badge. Did not St Paul write in 1 Corinthians 13:2, “If I have absolute faith so as to move mountains but have no love, I am nothing.”

    My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Regards,
    Anon.

32. I disagree with Rob, If you aren’t Christian and you aren’t a parent you have no idea the turmoil that you heart is put though. Don’t judge so harshly. I want to thank You Linda for your Courage. My biggest issue is how the Christian church views homosexuality and change doesn’t come from hatred and recrimination it comes from Patience and Love and understanding. My son is amazing and somehow when he had the courage to finally be real with me his Mother I went through and am still going through many emotional and spiritual ebbs and flows. I never got angry with him, I never saw it as a choice because it isn’t. I don’t believe that God wants him to change I believe that God wants me to love him as he is and help protect and further the understanding. If we as Christians continue to see homosexuality as an issue we are going to fight and unwinnable war with in ourselves and society. I also believe that homosexual individuals need to stop projecting their insecurities on everyone. Don’t get me wrong I know it took my son almost 5 years to be honest with me. This is what hurt me the most. I felt as though I failed as a Parent because he had to hide his true self from me for fear of being rejected. I am so very proud of my son. Perhaps the what we need to do is practice the principles that are written in the bible and apposed to picking and choosing old testament verses that justify our fear and don’t further understanding.

33. Linda and Rob,
    I just read your story and wanted to commend you on telling your story and helping ensure the fate of other gay kids is not the same as your son’s. It take a brave person to learn from their mistakes and your voices as conservative Christians are crucial in helping to encourage people to lend their ears and open their minds. I am genuinely sorry for your loss and think that you are both incredibly brave people. A heartfelt thanks for speaking up. I have read some of the nastier comments on this blog and also wanted to say that you should ignore them. They probably come from a place of hurt or from others finding themselves in a similar position to Ryan’s. I wish you and your family all the best and please keep up the amazing work you are doing. You have brought me both tears and inspiration by sharing your story.
    Mat

    • Thank you, Mat, for your kindness. ❤

34. My deepest sympathies go out to you. But there is something very important missing from this site and the comments I see posted here.

    As Christians, what do we do with Scriptures that condemn homosexuality?

    Is the Bible NOT God’s inspired word?
    or
    Are we misinterpreting those Scriptures?
    or
    Have those Scriptures been incorrectly translated and handed down?
    or
    Has the text been corrupted?
    or
    Is The Bible NOT the definitive authority in a Christian’s life?
    or
    something else I’m not thinking of?

    And before you answer, please understand that death itself would not exist if truth were decided merely upon whether or not we LIKED it or not. I hate to hear what happened to your son, but the world doesn’t make us God, allowing us to WILL truth in and out of existence. If only it did, death itself would not exist in this life as we know it.

    So when we attempt to provide answers, we must give objective reasons that are independent upon our hearts’ desires. My hearts desire is that stories like your son never happen, such sufferings never occur and all are reconciled to God. I hold no personal bias for or against homosexuality but the truth will set us free, whether we like that truth or not….

    • Yes, Greg…there is a lot more to consider. Please read God and the Gay Christian by Matthew Vines, Bible, Gender, Sexuality by James Brownson and Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs-Christians Debate, they’ll open your eyes to the truth that the Bible isn’t nearly as clear on this as we’ve been taught…and that there are many fervent LGBT believers.

35. May God bless you and your family always and give you strength.

36. Very, very sorry for your loss. Just like the religious elites from new testament times the religious still keep us in bondage to law and really need to put Christ in front.
    Speaking from what I think is the correct Christian view, you can completely support a gay child and totally support your faith at the same time (including holding to the fact that practicing homosexuality is a sin).
    In Romans Paul shows us that we all have the same problem and are in need of the same solution. Jesus. His point is don’t go pointing your boney finger at everyone else and look at your own sin. If someone is not saved you won’t get them to just stop sinning. They need to be freed from sin, and that process comes through faith in Jesus. So the answer is to point them to Christ and let them cast their eyes on Him and let Him who began a good thing in them take it to completion.
    However, even believers struggle with sin. The apostle James said “we all stumble in many ways”. Interestingly enough I find the solution for helping the saved overcome sin is the same as the unsaved. Just keep pointing them to Jesus, only in this case remind them that even as they battle struggles they are clean, okay with God, Holy, and righteousness. In others words as a believer their perfection has been fully taken care of by the finished work on the cross, and not the work of the flesh. In no way does that suggest supporting gay marriage (I do not) or endorsing homosexuality (I do not). But the fact is, according to scripture if we are saved we will still struggle with sin, but the reason we struggle is because we have not fully believed that we are fully and completely holy and we have forgotten that we have been completely forgiven of all past, present and future sin.

    [1 Peter 1:5-8] Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
    And for the part the legalist leave out, explain why we might not be successful with the above verses………
    [1 Peter 1:9] For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, HAVING FORGOTTEN his purification from his former sins.
    …..
    For one it’s homosexuality, for another alcohol, another lust. Romans 3:19 teaches that “the law came in to shut every mouth up” because we all have our dirty little struggles, yet we still point out others struggles as being worse.
    Hate the sin, love the sinner fully and sincerely. God bless you.

    • Mike, unfortunately “hate the sin, love the sinner” doesn’t end up sounding like love to anyone.
      If you’d like to understand a little more about why it doesn’t, read the second bullet point in this blog: So What Do you Really Believe?

      • I understand, Linda. I think problem is we think the “sin” is the “sinner”, so hating sin would mean hating the person. I have a close friend that recently committed adultery. I don’t hate him. In fact I love him dearly. I do however hate him cheating on his wife (the sin).

        Again, we think sin is person (like a body part), but I think the bible teaches us that sin is not how God made us, but rather a POWER (from the evil one) who works through the members of the body and uses the law to excite our sinning. [Romans 7:5] “For while we were in the flesh, the sinful passions, which were aroused by the Law, were at work in the members of our body to bear fruit for death.

        Interestingly Paul goes on to seemly deny that HE is the core problem and basically say it’s sin in him working through the members of his body to serve up thoughts of evil desires and temptations. In other words he’s blaming the tempter, not himself, who God said He had given a new heart with new desires (see Ezekiel 36:26).

        [Romans 7:15-17] For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.

        When we realize sin is a power (not the person) we begin to forgive others and pray for them rather than judge and condemn them. Hence “hate the sin, love the sinner”. I know that’s what Jesus did ; )

        • Sorry, I always have after thoughts. Sin is sin is sin. We all sin. I see some people ask “how do you deal with NT scriptures about homosexuality” citing verses from Romans 1 , I submit to you they have missed the point of the cross. Those people have seemed to miss where the same chapter (vs 29-30) described sin as gossips, slanders, arrogant, unloving, boastful, and even disobedience to parents! In other words we are ALL guilty, and James said if we stumble at one point of the law we are guilty of it all. This is why the law shuts every mouth.

          I ask those people “how do you deal with Christ dying on the cross as full payment for sin, and then turn around and presume that it wasn’t enough, at least not for homosexuality. The cross ended all penalty for sin. There is NO condemnation for those in Christ (Romans 8:1), and also John 3:18 which says “He who believes in Him is not judged;”. Praise God, right ; )

        • Thanks for this thoughtful discussion, Mike. I think that phrase is especially hurtful to gay people because being gay isn’t a behavior, like your friend cheating on his wife. It is deeply intwined with a person’s self – their identity. Just as I identify as a straight female who is crazy about her husband! Just an FYI to you, because the LGBT community has been so hurt by that phrase. Thanks for considering this.

          There are many Christians (sincere Christ followers) who don’t think God ever condemned same-sex relationships. If you have time, read God and the Gay Christian by Matthew Vines, Bible, Gender, Sexuality by James Brownson and Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs-Christians Debate. These will give you a great deal of insight into what those who are Christian AND gay go through.

        • I will read those links. I think most men are “naturally wired” to desire more than one woman, but some of us are able to fight those desires off, and others like my friend aren’t, and I understand the difficulties. I guess the point is rather our desires feel natural or not doesn’t make them unsinful. I am not sure how someone could read the bible (OT and NT) and not see clearly that God calls homosexuality sin, but nevertheless that sin was paid for at the cross. As was the drunks, the adulterer, and (insert sin here]. To be clear, my sin is just as bad. I am not placing myself above anyone. I needed a savior, apart from works and apart from law.Thanks for sharing and I hope I didn’t come across harshly. I promise that was not the intent.

        • You sure didn’t, Mike! Thanks for being willing to read and consider!

37. I as a gay man offer you my love Linda and Rob. Life is a journey. Blessed be God and know your son is with the Beloved! To those of you who judge or are struggling as the post before me….please listen and read on….. If I am wrong, which I believe I am not, and my life in your eyes is sinful and wrong…..then in death’s dread moment I shall wrap my arms around the base of that beloved Cross and I shall call upon His name…….and I shall be SAVED. Let God be God. Everyone else stop judging. Ray Sheldon, please be gentle with us all and yourself. We “god damned Christians” are your brothers and sisters and we need each other. It has taken thousands of years of negativity to get where we are. It will take many more years to arrive to a place of acceptance and peace. Think of all the black men and woman who endured tortured and abused to obtain freedom. Let us all stay the course. Like Linda and Rob change comes slowly and at great cost. +Brian Seaver ORCC Bishop of Troy, NY

38. Dear Mr. and Mrs. Robertson,
    Your story and the story of your wonderful son is heartbreaking. In my eyes you are two loving parents who have always and will always do your best to do what is right. God Bless you for telling your story.
    I am a heterosexual husband and father of two young men. I am also a Catholic whose faith in Jesus is, to the best of my ability, the cornerstone of my life. I am however in diametrical opposition the the Catholic Church’s stance on homosexuality. I want very much to take a stand in my own small church but find it difficult to know how to proceed in a meaningful way. I would appreciate any advice you would share, and I will pray for you to find peace, for your son’s beautiful soul to find Christ, and for the three of you to hold eachother again, someday and forever, in Christ’s everlasting kingdom of heaven.
    Sincerely,
    James A. Faust Jr. M.D.

    • Dr. Faust, what a blessing you are! Both Gay Christian Network (www.gaychristian.net) and The Reformation Project (www.reformationproject.org) have great resources to equip you to speak out in your own church. May God richly bless your efforts!

39. You are incredibly wicked for pitting your faith against your own child. “Learning to Truly Love our Gay Son…”, why on earth do you have to learn to love anyone, its an inherent quality of humanity. Your intolerance led you to abandon your son, you should have written “learning to be decent human beings”, which you were not. You represent the worst in what we are as a species, you had no need to characterise, stigmatise and segregate your son. You did, you broke him, he is dead.

    Another innocent life purged by evil. This webpage, and your talks are simply an exercise to settle your soul. Disgraceful.

    • Brendan, were you born able to love perfectly? If so, you and your family are incredibly blessed. We were not…we’ve had to learn some hard lessons along the way.
      Wishing you the best…

    • Brendan — You have erred with your verb tense. The Robertsons WERE wicked for pitting [their] faith against [their] own child. That is the purpose of this blog. And they, rightly, suffer for their sin against their son.

      But, if you cannot allow sinners to repent, to attempt to make some type of right for their grievous wrong, then you disallow growth of human character. Clearly from the words of this blog and the outreach they make, the Robertsons are “learning to be decent human beings.” It will not bring back their son, but that is not the goal here: their stated goal is to help prevent other Christian parents from losing their children. That is a noble goal; for that I wish them well.

      It is not my place, nor anyone else, to forgive them for their sin. That is between them and their God and between them and their son. They have the remaining years of their lives to prove worthy of mercy. Again, for the good they ARE doing, I wish them well, you should too.

      • Thank you, Mike, for your grace.

40. Hi Linda,

    My daughter came out to me the other day and my first reaction was confusion and then fear. I suspected it was possible but prayed that day would never come. It did and I wasn’t ready so the first thing that kicked in was the word of God. I told her it was wrong and wanted to recite scripture after scripture (even though I would have to look them up first) that backed me up but all I could do was freeze. I stayed up for the next 2 nights in fear. However, my daughter is 17 and is loved by so many people, especially me, and I didn’t want her to feel like she’d lost me. She needs me now more than ever. Long story short – last night I saw your story and it hit me like a ton of bricks. It freed me to continue to love my daughter unconditionally without fear or regret. I believe it was no accident that I came across your story. So sad that you lost your son but your story will prevent countless others from traveling that same road. I know you stopped me…right in my tracks. Thank you for saving my sanity and the beautiful relationship I have with my daughter!!

    • C – your message makes my day! THIS is what it is all about!!

    • C,

      I am not a believer in the Biblical God nor that of any religion (I believe God is much greater than the combined “religions” of man). My hubby of 29 years (legally married now 6 years through the enlightened laws of Massachusetts), though, comes from an evangelical family. He graduated from a Christian college and has strong beliefs in Christ.

      Your daughter knows of your relationship in Christ, you cannot and should not run from that. It may seem to her you are walking a tight rope rather than embracing her within that relationship in Christ. You should read the Bible; you should understand Christ and His message; know those words of Christ. Then read the words of Leviticus. Read the Sermon on the Mount [Matthew 5, 6,7] and read Jesus’ “one commandment.” [John 13:34] Embrace that guidance into your relationship with Him.

      Keep Jesus’ own words in your thoughts while first reading the Ten Commandments [Exodus 20] and then read the entirety of Leviticus. Then ask yourself, what would Jesus do while in your shoes? Let daughter know of this journey you make; she will love you in a wholeness that she did not even know existed, your sole at peace with Jesus in your love for her. And you will be the leading part of that wholeness.

      That love has been missing from my hubby and his parents. They are not mean, they are loving. But their love does not include their love of Jesus with him. And he knows that that is missing. It has been and remains missing in their relationship, and it is sad for me to witness. My hubby has not experienced the conditional love he witnessed I had with my father. And it keeps a moat between my hubby and his parents.

      Enjoy your journey, that is God’s great gift to every man and woman.

41. PS – In summation what all believers, rather gay people, drunks, drug addicts, ie sinners should know is their identity is not in the struggles with the flesh. Their identity is in Christ. Perfect. Only when we discover that will be begin able to overcome those struggles and war begin waged between the flesh and the Spirit.

42. WOW! Hope you can delete and ban Ray Shelton from this blog!! Not only does he use our God’s name in vain on here, he is attacking you and your husband viciously! No call for that. Our God is love and it’s the organized religion churches that have people sadly feeling the way he feels. We can only pray that somehow, someway, he will find help for his anger and turn that emotion into something that will help others. Thank you for sharing and for setting up this blog. I have a niece that is lesbian and the most of our family accepted it immediately. We love the woman that she has been with for many years. God loves all of us, why can’t we do the same?

43. My heart goes out to you. And especially to Mr Ray Shelton who believes you and others who do not accept his and thousands/millions like himself, to be demons. What you did as parents and continue to do is to blame yourselves for the death of your son which you shouldn’t do. God said train up a child in the way he should grow so that when he is old he will not depart from it. Jesus chosed God’s way at 12 years old. Your son chose his way at 12 years old. The difference, Jesus’ way was God’s, your son’s was not of God.

    We need to understand that the forces of evil and righteousness are ever warring. It’s like two siblings who are constantly at each others’ throat. The bible says the wages of sin is death. Mr Shelton may have lived this long,because maybe he was born condemned and therefore instead of calling him home, God continues to stiffen his neck in order to destroy him much like he did to Pharoah. Revelation 22:11 says; he that is unjust, let him be unjust still: and he which is filthy, let him be filthy still: and he that is righteous, let him be righteous still: and he that is holy, let him be holy still. You did not hound your son to his death. Your son chose his own end. We have been taught that there is no forgiveness in the grave and so instead of mourning all the days of your lives, try to teach others through your website that this is not the life that God intended for man to have. Imagine which I know you must have millions of times before, a world with only men or women. I would not be here, you and your husband would not be here, Mr Shelton would not be here! God bless you.

44. Mrs & Mr Robertson. I read your story this morning in yahoo news and it broke my heart. I send you love and my prayers, such as they are. My parents have been accepting. I’m also a recovering drug addict. Addiction is a disease that captures many of us. Your son may have turned to drugs to deal the issue, but addiction kept him there. Not you, or what you believed. Here is what my mom said to me when I was in rehab. “I probably wasn’t the greatest mother and your childhood probably sucked. I didn’t put the needle in your arm.” I hope that you and your husband are finding your way to self-forgiveness as you know that God forgives you. Thank you for what you are doing now. It is badly needed and every parent you help honors Ryan’s memory.

45. Thank you for writing this blog. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve lost too many friends and am fortunate I survived my teenage years and persecution from the church.

    If my parents had supported me, I’d still be an evangelical Christian in a church. I was made to choose, and I choose to live in the body, mind and soul God gave me. I often tried to destroy myself when I was younger because I believed I was damned for being born lesbian. Now, in mid-life, I have a wonderful Partner and two beautiful children. We’d love to bring our children up in a church if we could find an open and affirming one. We continuously look for a church, and find judgment and intolerance. I’d love for my parents to be a part of their amazing grandchildren’s lives. Their fear of judgment from the church keeps them from this joy. My Partner and I are very successful and are blessed. This whole scenario breaks my heart and I’m sure it breaks God’s as well.

    Again, thank you for your courage. Please ignore the haters, forgive those of us who have been burned by the church and are lashing, and keep fighting in the church to change the viewpoints. If the church embraced the gay community and celebrated people as perfect for the way God created us, it would be a win for all of us.

46. Hi Linda Robertson, i am greatly touched with your story, my heart is heavy. i got all your points and as God lives and be my help, i promised to always share love in my family, listen to my children, feel their pains, a friend in all situations and never to leave them alone with their burdens.

47. Linda, it’s ironic that I found your blog, since my mother’s name was Linda, too. I adored my Pentecostal parents, and my father was my pastor for most of my life, but I also knew from age 4 that I am gay, though I always denied that knowledge to myself whenever it tried to break through. I tried to talk to each of my parents about it over the years, and they gave me the sorts of answers you would expect–they loved me no matter what, and this was just deception from the devil, that could be overcome by marrying a man and starting a family. I did just that, and my divorce is now a year old. My daughter is five, and she’s been living with her paternal grandparents (staunch Baptists who insist I have never been truly “saved”) because I was homeless for a year, trying to find a place for us to live while my still-unemployed ex tries to get a job and pay some of the support he owes. I have found a partner now, and we are happy together, though we long for the school year to end so that we can be reunited with our daughter and start trying to build a normal life for her. My faith has survived only by God’s grace, because He spoke to my heart, telling me that He has known me from the womb, that He knew who I was from the beginning, and I was only lying to myself. I tell you all this because I didn’t come out even to myself until both my parents and my maternal grandmother died, the last people in the world whom I couldn’t bear to disappoint or to lose them if they couldn’t accept me. Reading your story gave me some hope that perhaps, as my partner has suggested even though she never met my parents, I might have underestimated them, that they might have found a way to make peace with my life now. I’ll never know, but your loving acceptance of your son gave me some hope, all the same.

    • jncl – and your story gave me hope, too! Thank you so much for sharing it! Much love to you, my friend.

48. I am so sorry for your loss. I want to sat that I am not gay nor do I have gay children. However, if I did I would love them unconditionally and being gay would not ever turn me against my children. My son has gay female and male friends and they all get along and grew up together. We taught our children never to discriminate for race, sexual preferentation or any other difference between us and the world. Im glad we did. I was raised very Irish catholic and I never agreed with the catholic view on gays or divorce. I feel that God loves us all and forgives our sins. God would NEVER send a parishioner away from his house for any reason. What christians forget is that thieves, liars and average men were Jesus’s flock.

    I lost a son December 2013 so I feel your pain and loss. Again I am so sorry. IGNORE THE ANGRY HATEFUL WORDS OF RAY SHELTON. HE IS OBVIOUSLY A BITTER, BROKEN, ANGRY, SELFISH AND HATEFUL GAY MAN. We cant change people like him into believing because his type (bitter and evil) is filled with hate. Keep reaching out to the real people and members of your faith. They will come around, not all, but you can make a difference. Some day you will see your son again and he will be in heaven.

    Ray Sheldon I say shame on you. You have never lost a child and if you had you would never say the things you did to this family. We can only hope God forgives you too, not for being gay but for being evil.

    P.S. Being gay is not a choice. Lets just all start accepting people for who they are.

49. I am an evangelical Christian. I married a widow who’s son, Jack, (not his real name) is gay and who lives with us. His father was greatly dismayed when his son came out. I accepted Jack as fellow human being and treat him with respect. Later I came to love him as a son. Jack doesn’t criticize my lifestyle, why should I criticize his? A Christian when he was younger, Jack has since distanced himself from God. Although he respects my beliefs, he feels that God hates him and that, in general, Christians are judgmental, hypocritical and poor representatives of the Savior they claim to follow. Apparently, he is not the only one who feels that way. What do unbelievers hear about Christianity? In the media, Christians are portrayed as “aginers;” hardnosed judges who are against people and lifestyles they feel don’t measure up to their level of perfection. Totally left out is the central message of the Gospel; God’s love and pardon available for ALL in Jesus. No wonder the church and Christianity are becoming more irrelevant to young people when they make decisions about lifestyle choices.
    Those who are homosexual or bisexual or heterosexual do not have to have my approval nor do they have to answer to me. It is really none of my business. What is my business is to live out the authentic Christian life before Jack. I do so without pretense or exaggeration.

50. Dear Ray Shelton,
    Why would you knowingly waste our time with you hateful purging. Just to soothe yourself at this bloggers expense? When they are so willingly opening up this painful forum for exploration and revelation of the things that might help prevent what happened? Your slant is toward preventing hate? How hateful was your post?

    • Kim – You missed the point here. Her stance is to love above everything.