2,455 responses to “Just Because He Breathes”

1. Thank you for sharing your story. You really shed a beautiful new light on God’s love, grace, and forgiveness. Thank you.

2. Same story but our son came out at 18…. And after drugs, alcohol and HIV… we lost our son to suicide in February 2009. Now we have only the memories. We support The Trevor Project.

   • We are SOOO sorry for your loss. We are with you…supporting organizations like the Trevor Project who can help stop future tragedies.

   • god bless you and your family, Ms. Martin. Organizations like The Trevor Project keep your son’s spirit alive and make sure his life was not in vain.

3. reading your story and watching the video brought me to tears. i was raised in an evangeiical church and i had the same struggles as your son. i prayed every night that God would cure me of the desires. and when that didn’t happen i prayed that God would let me die. i think only a gay person knows what its like to grow up and thank they can feel the flames of hell lapping at their feet. the desporation got so bad that i planned out my death twice. thankfully, i chickend out. when i finally got the courage to tell my mom, she was terribly upset. so upset, that she cried for a week but she came to the conculsion that she had to except it. as she said she wasn’t going to loose her son over something so trivial as who her son loves. sadly, my dad still struggles with it and it has been 15 years since i came out. i had to take care of my mom for the last five years of her life and by the time she passed away all she wanted for me was to find a nice man, get married and give her grandchildren. so, i just want you to know that you are going to help and save countless lives by telling your story. that you and your husband are completely honest will be the thing that will help people. weather that be parents or children. i also want to ask your forgiveness because when i first started reading the story, i wanted to be like some other people and blame you for your sons death but you had no part in it. your son knew that you loved him unconditionally. which that is all we want from our parents. i just pray that you do find peace, mercy and redemption. and to know that there are many people who love you and your son uncoditionally.

   • Kenneth, you are MORE than forgiven – I don’t blame you! No wonder so many readers who have been hurt so badly by Christians are triggered by the mistakes we made. Thank you for your grace!

4. Dear Robertsons-
   I just came across YOUR story on aol. It touched me. I am so sorry for the loss. I am not gay, just a plain old boring straight guy. It doesn’t matter what we are. We are all people and deserve love, compassion, and happiness. I just recently saw a doc on the Dalai Lama. I think we ALL, regardless of orientation, religion, race, background….WHATEVER….approach every person as he said he does…..”HEY! Here’s another human being!” God has given you this opportunity and trying stage to bring that mindset to the masses. I sympathize with you and salute you for making the changes in the world that should be done.

5. Hi Linda,
   I, like many people who have left comments here, was deeply moved by your story. It hits so close to home for me and brings to the forefront lots of deeply held emotions. I am a 34 year old gay man and I came out to everyone in my life when I was 16. My family is deeply religious and needless to say this was not a blessing in their eyes. I knew that I would never convince them that this is OK when they wanted to send me to Mormon conversion therapy. Even at 16, I had know for several years what those places were in the business of: torture, plain and simple. I have never felt and doubt I will ever feel the level of disgust and betrayal as I did that day. My parents would rather see me in electrotherapy than be happy with what I am!

   I spent many of the succeeding years redefining who I am outside of the church, involving myself in many of the same activities as your son while trying to figure myself out; drugs, alcohol and unsafe sex. Anything that would kill my inner pain and give me any measure of acceptance. It took many years of hard lessons, consequences that I will deal with for the rest of my life, lots of personal growth and finally learning to love myself wholly and completely, now and forever. I have made myself into a fantastic person to know. I love who and what I am and by anyone’s measure, I am a successful person and have found all the love in relationships that I have built and maintained for many years now. I have since cut ties with my family, though I have left them one door to come through which will always be open to them and that is full acceptance of me and my partner, hopefully soon to be husband. I hope that they get there someday and I hope that your message somehow reaches them because although I am hurt and so angry, I miss my family so much.

   Thank you for sharing your story.

   • Praying that your family will not miss out on ANY more years with you and your soon-to-be husband!

6. I am really in awe of your honesty and willingness to help others through this painful and confusing journey. My daughter came out her senior year in high school. Two years later I am still struggling with how to accept it. My husband and I have made all the classic mistakes you did over those 6 years. I kept thinking that if we prayed enough that God would do a miracle and change her back into the little girl she was who seemed like the furthest thing from being a lesbian. I have been tormented in my spirit and wrestling with this being something we did wrong, or that it is the way satan is getting ahold of this generation. I’ve been living in fear too that if I fully accept this in her then I will be somehow turning my back on God. I try to give her unconditional love and support but now that she has a girlfriend I had been finding that even harder. A dear friend, knowing my anguish and desire to get through this sent me the link to your story. It’s just what I needed to hear at this point in my journey. My daughter has attempted to take her life and suffers from a personality disorder that I mostly blamed for all of this. After reading your story I find that it doesn’t really matter what caused it, all that matters is that she breathes and she is who she is and God loves her. I am now focusing my prayers less on Him changing her and asking Him to change me into a more loving person. I am praying not for her to be straight but to know she is so very loved by the Lord and that she has my love no matter what…just because she breathes. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story Linda. May God bless you and your family and may you always feel the love of Ryan shining down from heaven on you.

   • Bless you, Julie! I am so thankful your daughter is still here for you to love! And…for GRACE. From God AND from our kids.

7. On November 18, 2012, Last year, before going to church I told my parents that I have something to tell them. It was very hard. I came out to my parents when I was 21. After church, we sat down at the couch and I couldn’t say any words. I started crying instead because it was very hard and I don’t want to hurt my parents but I have tell them that I am gay. My dad didn’t accept me and so do my mom. They told me I should be straight. They did not talk to for 2 days and after that they pretended that is didn’t happened. My dad still tells me I should change. But what do I have to change? It’s still me. I am still there son and nothing changes. I have had a boyfriend but they did not know about it because I was scared to tell them. I don’t know how long I am going to be hiding the fear of telling them. I told myself that If they don’t accept me they will not see me again because I wanted to have my own family but instead with a guy and I just want them to accept us. I hope that day will come and my parents would be able to visit me and my boyfriend along with our adopted kids (Their grandkids). I am always praying to God and I never lose faith and hope that someday my parents would be able to accept us. Because God already accept me and love me for who I am. He never left me. He never lets me down.

   • Amen, Christian! He NEVER lets us down!! I am so thankful you know His LOVE for you!!

8. Dear Linda.
   Your story truly touched my heart. My deep condolences at the loss of your son. I came out in 1996. This after a long, and similar struggle to that of Ryan. I gave my heart to Jesus when I was 11. When I was in high school due I stopped attending church but knew I liked boys.In 1989 I started attending church again and recommitted my life to Jesus and felt he had saved a wretch of a homosexual. The teaching in our Church was that homosexuality was a sin. I spent seven years on a roller coaster of hate and self-loathing for the feeling I had. Then bliss when i felt I had been freed from this curse through prayer, intervention. But always at that first thought when I felt an attraction to a man, the spiral again into despair. Many things happened that somehow brought me to the point of accepting who I was. Unfortunately, this decision meant I was fired from the christian school I was working out, the loss of my friends who were told not to associate with a sinner and the rejection of my spiritual family. I spent about another six years making decisions based on “well if gay is bad I’m sure I can do worse’. I also did the partying thing, drugs, living on the edge. Then I met a wonderful man, also from a christian family … we have been together for 10 years now. Grace kept me safe. My struggle now is reconciling the years of faith and the experiences where God touched me (even at letting me know gay was not bad and he loved me) and being openly gay (based on the teachings of the church I attended). Your insight here could be very helpful.
   Much love
   Stephen

   • GRACE kept you safe! Praise God! You are loved!

9. Dear Robertson Family,
   I wept as I read about your journey. I approach faith much differently than you do, so I do not say this lightly: those 10 months before Ryan’s death were truly a miracle. The love, relief and joy that accompanied the acceptance from his family must have truly felt like a gift from God for Ryan. As parents, we all make mistakes because before we are Christian, Jew, Muslim, Wiccan, Atheist, etc., we are human.
   Your piece touched on so many issues. As a society we are slow to understand homosexuality as we are slow to understand addiction. Sexual orientation is simply part of who you are. Addiction, however, is a disease. While Ryan’s situation may have fueled the disease, it may not have caused it. Ryan could very well have suffered from addiction even if you had “done everything right” (if that’s even possible).
   You and your story, Ryan’s story, serve as examples for so many others out there. Through that miracle, Ryan lives on.

   • Wow…what comfort and encouragement your words give to my heart!

10. Alas, gay children are rarely raised by their own kind but instead by families and religious communities that do exactly what these parents and their church did — raise them to hate themselves and to fear loss of love due to something that they can’t change. It’s a miracle when any gay child grows up confident and proud of themselves for who they are.

11. Dear Linda,
    Very emotional after reading what happened to Ryan and what he, you and your family had to go through.
    Being gay myself since I remember, I told my mother at the age of 16 I’m gay. My parents never judged my orientation but like all parents they wished otherwise for me as they all know life is harder as a gay person. At the age of 20 I’ve met my partner and have been together now for 28 years, 15 years now are a registered partner in the Netherlands. I’m not saying it has been easy to come out here as we all have our own insecurities when growing up.
    Thanks for sharing and we hope it will help others to accept we are born like this.
    Yours sincerely, Hans

    • Wow!! You are writing from the Netherlands! How great to hear from you…and great to hear that God has blessed you with such a loving partner! God bless you, Hans!

12. These parents are DIRECTLY responsible for the death of their son. The fact that some comments above say “Ryan was lucky to have such loving parents” is completely sickening. This has nothing to do with me not sharing the faith of the parents, it is simply seeing that the fear-based religious ideals of these parents lead to their sons death, after making him feel as though he would be disobeying and disappointing their god. But considering the families faith and belief system, why did their god make Ryan gay? According to the parents belief, from before their god placed Ryan in the womb, Ryan’s “life plan” was already determined. **And please do not think that the common christian concept of free will changed Ryan’s path. This god had always known Ryan’s path, after all this god created it. Recall the book of Jeremiah (29:11) “for I know the plans I have for you, declares the lord…” I urge you to refrain from thinking that somehow all of this (the parents actions and the work of their god) is all OK. There is no way to change the events that have happened to make it seem like this religion and these parents are loving and tolerant. Their god should have gave them the strength to prevent this evil from occurring, otherwise why call him god? My last remark is, of course, taken from Epicurus “Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? Think about it.

    • Phil, you raise some valid questions. Some that many Christians share. But your blame is hurtful and unproductive…it doesn’t do ANYTHING to help anyone make this world a better place, to encourage others to LOVE. So from now on, if you write things like that, they will NOT be approved.

13. Sigh. A friend posted your story to Facebook, and after reading it, I came here. So glad I did. What am impact your words have had on me, as I struggle to understand my feelings towards God, and my feelings towards gays and lesbians. I have known both all my life, yet recently have come to a place where my heart is changing towards them. Ultimately, He asks me to love Him and to love my neighbor. He loved me, a horrendous sinner, and still does, although daily I fail. I am a Believer yet bristle when homosexuality is used as the fall back “sin” denounced from the pulpit, right after addiction and pornography. What about all the other sins we commit each day? What about lying? What about deception? Coveting? Bearing false witness?

    My heart tells me he asks me to love Him, honor Him, and love my neighbor. Period.

    Although you endure a tremendous loss, the one thing you have always known is how to love your son. What an amazing story you have to tell, the ripple effects of which extend so far beyond your own circle of influence, that you will never truly know who it will impact and how many lives may be moved,or changed, by it. God certainly must hold you dear to have chosen you to walk this difficult path, giving you such strength and grace. Many people never know the feeling of, or how to extend grace–Never in their entire lives.

    May your son’s legacy live on, and may you never lose sight of the great work you have been tasked with. May God continue to bless you richly.

    • Daisyzmom, I feel EXACTLY the same way you do about all of this. What I have found is that a lot of “religious” people categorize “sin” according to how far away it is from THEIR lives. In other words, it’s somehow WORSE to be gay, than it is to be anything else. I recall seeing bible verses calling homosexuality an abomination, which is quoted liberally…. BUT right beneath that verse is something about it being an abomination to God if you wear clothes made out of two different fabrics OR to be in the presence of a women when she is having her period. People skim THOSE verses, even though, if I am not mistaken, somewhere in Leviticus, God commands you to KILL someone who works on a Sunday. So, either you believe every word of the bible and LIVE it (as if that is possible), or you don’t. You can not pick and choose. Here is a funny (and not so funny) letter written to Dr. Laura Schlessinger who hosts a radio talk show and who repeatedly reminds people that being a homosexual is an abomination. I know a lot of people don’t pay that much attention to the old testament, except, of course, when they are using bible verses to justify their contempt for homosexuals, but if you ask me, you can’t ignore some verses and use other verses to hurt people.

      Dear Dr. Laura:

      Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination… End of debate.

      I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them.

      1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

      2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

      3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

      4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbours. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

      5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath.Exodus 35:2. Clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

      6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination – Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?

      7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle- room here?

      8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

      9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

      10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16.Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

      I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.
      Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.
      Your adoring fan.

14. I am so very sorry for your loss. I am a lesbian and have been with my partner for 10 years. My dad was a baptist preacher and my family was very slow to come around, but they have always supported me. My partners family on the other hand has decided to completely disown her because of her lifestyle. Even though she came out to them when she was in college, as long as she went to church 3 days a week and didn’t give in to her feelings for women, they let her be a part of their family, but as soon as she and I moved in together and started living as a couple, they completely cut off all communication with her. She has no one in her blood family that supports her. My family has taken her in and are her family now, but she gets so sad at times. She has a younger sister and a niece and two nephews that she can’t even see pictures of. I feel so bad for her. Her family will only love her or include her in their lives if she chooses God over being herself. They don’t realize that God created her this way, so how could He expect her to be any different. When she was younger, she tried to pray the gay away, and her mom even called a group of “Bible thumping women” together to pray over her before she even came out to anyone, which means her parents knew my partner was gay before she knew herself! I will never understand how parents who claim to be such devout Christians could completely shut out such an awesome person. I believe in God and I am a Christian and so is my partner. We live in the South and because this is the “bible belt” we have no church that we can attend. I know we don’t have to attend church to be a Christian, but we would love to be able to go to church with fellow Christians and be ourselves. I applaud you and your husband for finally realizing that God made your son and he was perfect in His eyes! My thoughts and prayers will be with you all. God Bless

    • Jill…I wish I could swoop you and your partner up and take you with us to our church…or to one of the other churches where LGBTQ people are wanted and welcomed! I cannot BEGIN to imagine what it is like for you. But you are right…GOD does not need a church building to be your Lord and Savior. He, above all others, loves and understands your dilemma completely. What a comfort that is to me!!

15. Truly a terribly sad, painful story, moved me to weeping reading and watching- but beautifully presented and bravely shared.
    My every kind thought goes out to this family who have suffered.

16. Thank you! Thank you.

17. I’m so very sorry for your loss. No parent should ever have to bury their child. Many of my Christian friends ask me how I can be so accepting of the GLBT lifestyles. My defense is simply: Love is Love. God loves all of us and it is our job to do the same. What goes on inside another person’s bedroom is none of my business. As long as they are happy, I am happy. I am raising my 3 children to believe the same way. No one “gets” gay, it’s not contagious. I wish you and your family peace and love and thank you for sharing such a beautiful and tragic story with us.

18. Your story touched my heart and reminded me of another story which also touched my heart.
    

    All my love, understanding and acceptance goes to you from me. I have deep connections with my friends and family members who are gay and they are truly the most loving, caring and enduring people I know.

    Thank you for sharing your story, it has helped many people I know come to understand more fully what this is all about.

19. Thank you for sharing this story. I am passing it on to many families who I feel can learn and grow from it. I have never come across a story I’ve wanted to share more than this one.

20. My son came out when he was a teenager. I had no problem with him, loving and accepting him and his LGBTQ friends. My biggest fear was and remains that someone will harm him because of who he is. The reason your story breaks my heart is my daughter, who was in a domestic violence situation for years. It was truly horrifying to see her sucked into a monstrous relationship that I knew would kill her. It was also heartbreaking to know that regardless of what I did, she would not leave unless she found the strength to leave. Nearly two years ago, the horror was complete when I was informed that her sociopathic husband had killed both my daughter (3 days before her 27th birthday) and my wonderful grandson (age 7). The heartbreak of losing a child is indescribable and you are in thoughts. We, as parents, love our children. The reality is that we are human and imperfect.

    • Kaleagreen, I cannot BEGIN to imagine your pain…my heart is BREAKING. There are no words. But know that I sit with you in your grieve, and in your hope. Praying for you, friend.

      • We as parents love our children, sometimes imperfectly. We do many things right yet focus on where we made mistakes. I admire your willingness to share. You wrote that you cannot begin to imagine my pain….and yet, I assure you that you are walking along the same path of pain that I am walking on. Until someone has lost a child, they cannot comprehend the deep grief and loss. Your story touched my heart and we are sisters. In time, you will heal and your son will forever be a part of your life and family. This is a terrible “club” to belong to.

21. First off i read the article and watched the video and bawled like a baby. My eldest son is gay and came out a few years ago and this situation could of very easily of taken place in my home. i accepted it immediately and told him that id always be here for him.He still struggles with acceptance from others and at times feels very lost in the world. He is certain of his sexuality but isnt comfortable in his own skin yet. It hurts me to see him depressed or drawn back and not confident at times, afraid of what the outside world will think or say.Seeing your story only makes me love my son more JUST FOR BREATHING, and has given me the extra push to ensure that he knows this. Tonight I will grab him and hug him and tell him I LOVE HIM JUST FOR BREATHING!!! We are devoted Christians and attend services weekly. I sought out the help of one of my pastors on this very subject of gays in Christianity. I knew that i loved my heavenly father and still do very much. But what i struggled with was this.—- I knew i loved my son just as he was but was that not disobeying Gods word?Is my son not going to go to heaven? Her response was this “Jen have you told a lie? Have you spoke bad about someone before?” “Well yes” I responded. Her response to that was “MAN placed sin into categories, that a white lie is ok but killing a man is worse. Both are sin, both are against God’s word.In God’s eyes both are on the same playing level. So your son being gay is no worse then having premarital sex or stealing a pack of gum from the store. God loves everyone and forgives all. Just as he forgives and loves a murderer he will love your son too for just who he is.” Thank you so much for sharing your story-i intend to share it with everyone i know.

22. Hi Linda
    Thank you for sharing…I Identify…and am grateful to be able to share.
    I found out my son(17) was ‘gay’ through facebook…when a family member called and told me his status was updated as.. “have a boyfriend”. I found out he was sexually active when we were at a friends fundraiser ‘blood-drive’ and he was denied..I looked around for him and asked where he was..the lady said sitting in the back..I said he isn’t giving blood? She said..no..so I texted him..”why”..his reply was “same sex”…I almost fainted! Oh Boy! I called my brother!
    I too have an older ‘gay’ brother who was terrified to come out..but did in 1978….when he told me..I was like…”is that all?” ( I had imagined he was going to tell me he was dying…our mom had passed away a few years earlier. I asked my brother to avail himself for” the talk” !
    My son ….what a character!
    As a toddler he loved ‘my little pony’ and barbie dolls…my husband at the time was applaud! He hid them all! I am a recovering alcoholic myself…long time now..and my sponsor at the time strongly suggested “trucks!”…lots of trucks and ‘boy toys’…this was about the time the movie Billy Elliot was popular. My gay brother met someone through a convention that mentioned the show 20/20 was interested in cross gender children…and one thing led to another and …yup! I had 20/20 at my door. I wanted to speak out about allowing a child to be a child…mostly my son loved the hair on the dolls…I did not see anything wrong with it. I felt in my gut…let him play with what he wants to play with…as long as he is comfortable with it all. I did speak this all out for the video tape. They video taped us in the home… walking to the bus stop..etc… I have always told my son that “as long as you can hold your head up high..you can do what you want to do”. Tough Times for sure. In the long run..I decided not to allow our story to air…for fear of repercussions in the future years for my son. When he wanted to let the world know…he would do it.
    I am spiritual and believe ‘He’s got the whole world in His hands…and loves all’. I didn’t want my son to feel any different. I accept him for who he is today…There is so much to say…reliving everyday choices..I just went with my gut and loved him and stood up for him when he was too young to do it for himself. I commented to him about the facebook thing…and just said that I would have preferred him telling me..I didn’t make a big deal about it.
    As I had told my brother many years ago…I told my son..”I love you…I do not need to know what goes on in your bedroom…that will never affect my love for you (it doesn’t for others)…I want to be here for you emotionally…should you get hurt by others…no matter who they are.
    I feel for the painful journey you and your family has gone through…and say..”There but for the grace of God ..go I ” Prayers abound.

23. Dear Linda

    Your story deeply touched me and I am so sorry for your loss. And may I say that as an atheist myself, I am deeply sorry for the ignorant comments made by another atheist.

    Whether you are a believer of not, to lose a family member is a terrible thing. As one whose eldest sister drank herself to death at the age of 49, I should know. Anyone who makes comments belittling you obviously does not understand addiction.

    I would also suggest they do not understand the psychological affects of coming to terms with ones own sexuality. You do not have to be religious or come from a religious background to go through that. The mores of society are enough to cause confusion and depression. I live in Scotland, where men are supposed to be “real” men. If you dare to as much as take one step outside that, then you face anything from public ridicule to physical violence. I blogged recently about a trans woman who was chased out of her home town in Scotland by bigots. The people who did could not be described as overtly religious, just stupid and ignorant.

    In all therefore, I would suggest that there is no proof that the loss of your son was down to religion but the confusion he felt may have had many causes. The circumstances of his death were certainly tragic, but a death from an addiction does not necessarily come from any outside influence. My sister was offered all the help possible and refused it all. I certainly do know the heartache you must feel and my heart goes out to you.

    I greatly admire your courage in going public with this story. Although I am an atheist, I was once a member of a Baptist church and I know all too well that in his mission Jesus taught love and forgiveness. By your testimony, it seems to me that you illustrate and embrace that mission and stand for all which is best in Christianity.

    Take care,

    Xandra

    • Xandra,

      BLESS YOU for understanding!! The reasons for his death – by accidental overdose – are complex and not easily explained. Your grace and understanding and true compassion – EMPATHY – are a great gift to me today. We may not believe the same, but for me, God just used you to say exactly what I needed to hear. Much love to you!

24. I watched this 3 times today sobbing. Though my 3 children are small, I pictured one of my children as Ryan as I watched your video. From your tragedy I learned a lesson… A few in fact. God bless you and your family and if I could also say Thank you .. thank you for sharing your story and letting the world know that we are all gods children.
    Sending love and prayers
    Samantha

25. Thank you for sharing this amazing story. Courage like yours to overcome fear will change our world.

26. Still in denial huh, it was his addiction that killed him and not the rejection by the people who are supposed to love him unconditionally through all things you and your religion are pathetic and dangerous; I do not forgive you..

    • Well, I can’t expect you to, Michael.
      By the way, I forgive you for your hurtful words.

    • Michael, addiction is a complex disease that few outside its grasp understand. Its indiscriminate and unpredictable. I suggest you educate yourself on the nature of addiction before you can claim to know what causes it. If you have any sympathy for Ryan, you would show him, his family and his faith the respect they deserve.

    • Wow, I guess it’s impossible for some to see the forest for the tree’s. This is not the place for your spiteful words, to display your political stance, &/or exude idea’s of grandeur on your soap box.

      Mr&Mrs Robertson I can not imagine what you went through or are going through but I can correlate many of the fears, thoughts, & emotions that come with the ever arduous, compromising, yet rewarding task of parenting. Thank you for opening your soul & allowing the world to see you all in such an emotionally fueled and vulnerable state. My oldest is 13 now & very similar to Ryan’s younger photo’s; I just cried the whole way through. It all just really makes you want to forget the small stuff & really get down to focusing on what’s most important. You will see him again & that alone is what would carry me through each day.

      God bless you all.

27. I just watched the video of you and your husband and I am sobbing at work. THANK YOU for sharing your story and your pain. This has changed my life today….in more ways then you will ever know. I lost my brother to suicide when he was 19 (he was not gay) but the effects of that destroyed my family. I came out as a gay man when I myself was 16. I spent the next decade feeling these very feelings. I’ve gone through what your son went through and I continue to battle with these very feelings. You have touched my heart today in so many ways. May God continue to provide you with hope and love and please know that you have done the same for me today.

    • Bless you, David…I grieve with you for your brother. And for all the pain you’ve gone through. Thank you for giving me HOPE today…praying God will fill you with His hope and love, too!

28. Hi, Linda! I’m from Brazil (sorry for my bad English), I’m 17 and still in the closet. I live in a relegious family too. Read stories like yours make me believe that God loves me and I feel like I’m not a sinner because I’m gay, maybe for others reasons. I wanna thank you for sharing your story, because it will help not only parents who are desperately lost, but it will also help those gays boys and girls who believe that the only way to get peace is killing themselves. I ask you to continue sharing your story, so more families can be touched and you can make them don’t turn off their kids’ lights. I know Ryan loves you and knows that you love him. He must be so happy for you attitude, and so am I.
    Don’t hear those ones who say that religion is dark (or something else). Religion is made by humans, and humans make mistakes. I know my religion thinks I’m a sinner, but in this point, I don’t belevie in them. Because I can feel how much God loves me and accepts me.
    Thank you so much, God bless you!

    • João, what a gift your message is!! You are an amazing, beautiful, gifted young man, clearly! And your English is GREAT! Thank you for your encouragement and, most of all, for choosing life. God has a plan for you…and He loves you far more than I can even begin to imagine or express!!

29. After reading and watching the videos, I am the lucky one. To be blessed experiencing what I believe to be remarkable people trying to forgive themselves. As a gay man very close to 50, I am the lucky one. I have made my peace with God. I don’t listen to people who believe just because I am gay I am to burn in hell’s fire. I have made my peace with God. I am blessed that God not only gave me a mother who loved me, but gave me the heart and soul to stay alive. I understand what its like to have to hide who you are and wonder if there will ever be a day that love will come your way. I pray that you find peace within your selves and know that Ryan’s death was not your fault. You did what most parents do, try to protect their children from the cruel reality of the world. As a gay son, I forgive you. I thank you for sharing your story with me.

    • Bless you, Samuel! Your grace is a gift!

30. I’m about to turn 50, was raised Mormon and have raised my children in that belief, for the most part. I have 4 daughters and 3 sons. 3 daughters are married and one son is. The next son is a tough, football player, super kid. My youngest son is handsome and loved by everyone, especially the ladies. He just graduated high school. He told me about a month ago that he is gay. Right now my wife and I are the only ones in our family that know.I would tell everyone but he wants to wait. I love him completely. I dont know what I’m doing right now exactly. I’m so scared for him. I cant really imagine telling him to not be what he is although everything you described has crossed my mind. I dont want him to just be alone and never have a companion but in my mind having a family is supposed to be a certain way. But i dont know everything so I’m trying to look at this as a way for me to learn. This was the most unexpected thing in my life and has been consuming my wife and I both but we are determined to learn how to accept him and someday accept his companions, whoever they may be. I think I fear most just how he may be treated by those who dont understand and make no effort to. I want to defend him to fight his battles for him.
    I’m so scared and confused about all of this so I cant imagine how he must feel. But I love him with every fiber of my being and element of my soul and to me when Christ said “Love one another” he didn’t quantify it or put stipulations on who we are to love. It seems to me that hating someone for something they are that you dont understand is the opposite of what Christ taught and I’m not referring to you guys, there are just so many cruel people in our world who are preoccupied with hate and that scares me for my son. I do not care what people think or how it looks to others I just want to do the right thing for him. Whatever that is. Thank you for writing your story and helping others to see what you had to learn through so much pain. I’m so sorry for your sons pain. This world is short and temporary though and I think God is a loving, forgiving God who has a beautiful life planned for us. I also think that when we get there we are going to be surprised by how clueless most of us are. I know how I feel about my children. I believe God is trying to teach us how to love even when we dont understand. Maybe acceptance is better than understanding.
    I will listen to any advice and help that you have to offer. Thank you.

    • Nathan…Bless you. I so remember how I felt, and how we had nobody to talk to. We will contact you privately…and we will pray.

    • Your son is a very lucky young man to have you in his corner. You clearly demonstrate a father’s love. If a mortal man can demonstrate that much love for a gay son, why do so many think our Heavenly Father cannot? Isn’t an earthly father’s love only a microcosm of God’s love? Too often we see our God as much smaller than He really is.

    • Nathan, your story really touched me. I am 52, and have known I was gay since my early teens. My family was not strongly religious, and I don’t believe I was ever concerned about whether or not God would accept me, but I can tell you I was terrified that my parents would not. My parents were good people, but I just didn’t know if they could understand or accept me the way I am. I was also terrified that other people might figure out I was gay because it was not easy for me to “pass.” I was not athletic, I couldn’t date girls, I was shy… It’s not an exaggeration to say that while I had friends, I was very lonely in high school. I hoped that things would get better once I got to college, but it was still very difficult for me. Finally, at 24, I met someone and fell in love, and I knew I had to tell my parents. So I did. To this day it is still the hardest thing I have ever done. And to my immense relief, they told me they loved me unconditionally, and while they didn’t really understand it, they were there for me. They accepted my boyfriend [we’ve now been together for over 28 years] and made him a part of our family. And it made all the difference in the world. I was no longer lonely and I knew my parents loved me.
      I guess the reason I’m writing is to say that as long as you and your wife tell your son you love him every chance you get he should be OK. Sure, there are hateful people out there, but things are much better than they used to be. Your son can have a very happy life. So if that’s what you are scared about, try not to be. I know that’s easy for me to say, but I speak from experience when I say that having your parents in your corner makes a huge impact. It’s the hiding that causes the shame and loneliness. Tell your son that when he is ready to let people know you will have his back and support him 100%. I guarantee he will feel better and you will feel better too.
      I think you are a wonderful Dad, and your son is very lucky to have you. I wish you and your wife and your son all the best.

      • Steve, Thank you for your comments. I believes exactly like you that God knows how to love us infinitely more than we know how to love. Your words bore a tremendous witness to me of that.
        David, I cant say enough of what your comments mean to me. To hear that from your viewpoint is so special and I am forever grateful to you for sharing that with me. I will always remember both of you and Linda for the love you show.

    • Nathan,

      When I was in high school (and we all know what that’s like) I had many fears about coming out to family and friends. As a parent and adult it’s difficult to place yourself in your son’s shoes. Try to remember what it was like to have your self image defined by the response of the world around you. Try to remember the impact that thoughts and opinions of your parents had on you. Now, try to imagine that with a few simple words that entire world could come crashing down upon you. Everything is lost. This was what your son faced by telling his parents he is gay. He risked his entire life as he knew it in order to remain to true to himself, and honest with the ones he loved.

      This is what most children face when coming out to their parents. My dad was among the last to know. My father and I didn’t share nearly the relationship that it sounds like you share with your son and it still scared the heck out of me. I felt like the moment of telling him had the power to change or remove everything we had and, indeed, it does for some. You probably ask yourself why your son would ever question your love. With so many stories out there of otherwise loving parents abandoning their gay children it’s no wonder the fear exists. It’s real, it happens, and as much as you want to trust that someone will be accepting, some simply don’t.

      I will echo what others have said. Letting your son know that you love him and will love him unconditionally is the best gift you could ever give. You already know that you can never shield your children from all pain. Do not fear for your son’s future. He will be emboldened in life knowing that his family loves him no matter what he becomes. We are fortunate to live in a world that is increasingly more supportive of the fact that gay people simply exist and want to live and love just like everyone else. Don’t fear for the plans you had for your family. Your son still wants to bring home someone he loves for Christmas, he still wants you to attend his wedding, and he still wants you to love his future children. He wants you to be a part of his future just as much as you do. Please help him every step of the way. You cannot imagine what he has already gained by keeping you in his life.

      I wish you and your family the best.

31. Thank you for your powerful story and for your honesty. The lessons you and your husband have learned and are sharing with others are a tribute to your character and the reality of your love for God and your son. It grieves me to read the condemning comments that have been posted here. We all carry ignorance in some part of our lives, ignorance that hurts others and ourselves. I think it must be the primary goal of life to overcome ignorance and only those who do have truly succeeded as human beings. When you are aware of your own ignorance and realize the long journey it takes to move beyond it, it is easier to have patience with everyone else in the same boat. I too am gay and knew I was from a very young age. But for some unknown reason I never experienced self-loathing despite what I was learning from my parents and society in general about being gay. I knew it had to be misunderstood because I was good and God loved me just as I am. I also know that as being gay becomes more accepted it will curb the excesses and self-destructive behavior that are harming us and feeding the fears of straight people. We will all be seen to be much more alike than different–simply human. You are helping us to get there, Linda.

    • Bless you, Michael, for understanding that we are in process…growing, learning, and hoping never to stop. Thank YOU for helping to teach me.

32. Dear Linda,
    Thank you so much for sharing this most precious, personal part of your life. I just finished reading your article on HuffPost and am sitting at home alone weeping. You see, I have a 17-yr-old going through much of the same issues you brought to light in your story. I struggle back and forth between God’s love and grace, and what I believe and have been taught that the Bible say regarding homosexuality. I truly believe that God has used your story today to open my heart in a brand new way. Thank you so much for allowing God to use you as a positive example to people like me. I am so sorry for your loss, and overwhelmed by your love.
    Thank you,
    Nicole

    • Nicole…First of all, thank you for writing. Thank you for reminding me that I was not alone as a parent, going through this without support. You are loved…and I know that I know that I know that God loves your 17 year old FAR more than all of us combined…He showed us that over and over and over through Ryan’s journey. We will contact you privately, dear friend. And we will pray.

33. Dear both, thanks for sharing… It breaks my heart to hear your story and i admire your openess and the way you are now helping others. God bless you…. Your son is looking down smiling and admirering his great parents im sure.

34. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so so sorry for your loss. May God bless you richly and use your story to help touch and change hearts.

35. I can’t believe in a superman in the sky that would love some people of his creation, and judge and reject other people of his creation. Where is love in that? I don’t believe we are sinners needing redemption. We are human beings with free will to love, to hate, to help, to hurt. WE are godness-in-action and WE have a clean slate every moment to choose love (or not) and see ourselves as love (or not). We need to let go of our manmade rules about who God is and what love “looks like”. We need to let go of judgement and fear in the name of religion. I’m so sorry you lost your son. Hopefully your story can reach and open other’s hearts to love and acceptance. The religion “rules for living” don’t apply when TRUE LOVE stands here.

36. I read this over my lunch break and just broke down and cried. I was on the same path as your son and struggling to deal with a very similar faith and family situation, but somehow, through grace and a lot of fortunate breaks, I survived. You are all very brave for sharing your stories, though I think that I see it comes from a place of genuine concern for others who face these crises rather than some claim to boldness. For this sensitivity and genuine generosity of heart , I thank you. I cannot bear to read some of the ugly comments others have written – they truly come from wounded places. But realize that your family’s story has already impacted many lives by planting seeds.

37. Linda, Rob, Lindsey, Riley and Larissa,
    Rejoice in the knowledge that through your belief in God, you will be reunited with Ryan in glorious celebration when your time of passing comes. I admire the strength and courage it took to show the hospital pictures, knowing his spirit had departed. May his soul be warmed by the light of eternity and may you be surrounded by Heaven’s sweet songs.

    • Bless you! We are often comforted by Ryan’s own words written before his death, and engraved now on the bench by his headstone:

      The day will come, when we will all stand together in unity, sins atoned, worshipping our gracious and merciful God. Never forget that day will come. – Ryan Robertson, May 2009

38. Those of us who do share in the belief or relationship with “God” that Linda describes would be miserable for life if we had done what the Robertsons have done. We have no supreme loving being we can convince ourselves forgives us for terrible abuse to our child. It is a handy thing, this Christian faith.

39. Love to you Linda and your family.. So sad to hear of your son’s passing and In so very sad circumstances. He knows you love him and always will xx

40. I have seen many comments here from people trying to reconcile their child’s (or their own) homosexuality with what the bible says about it. There are several excellent books out now discussing the latest biblical scholarship that interprets the so-called “clobber passages” very differently from how they have been interpreted in the past. The best one I’ve read is ‘God vs Gay: The Religious Case for Equality’ by Jay Michaelson. Another is ‘Hate Thy Neighbor: How the Bible is Misused to Condemn Homosexuality’ by Linda J. Patterson. Another is ‘Thou Shalt Not Love: What Evengelicals Really Say to Gays’ by Patrick M. Chapman.

    If anyone here genuinely wants to open their mind and heart to the possibility that there is nothing wrong with gay people, that being gay is not a sin, and that acting on same-sex desire is not a sin, please read at least one of these books.

41. I can really relate to your life story from your son’s perspective. I grew up in a very conservative home; both of my parents are ministers. I remember growing up in church hearing my father preach about the sins of homosexuality, and I remember vigorously praying to God to take away those feelings and to make me normal. I couldn’t understand what I did that would cause God to punish me. Like your son, I turned to drugs. I left my parents, and I ran as far away as possible. I tried to find peace in drugs, and when I could find no peace I sought death. I was angry at God, and I was angry at my family, and I thought I had found the solution. But God had different plans for me. By God’s grace, I was delivered from my drug addiction in 2004, and I continue to work a 12-step program of recovery today. I have a wonderful relationship with my family today, and I am happier than I have ever been. I thank God everyday because each day is a new opportunity. I know my life is a gift, and I read and watched your story with great sorrow for the loss you have experienced. But I also see triumph in you and your husband, and I am grateful for your courage and willingness to share your story so that others don’t have to go through what you’ve experienced. Thank you for your generosity and compassion!

    • Thank God for your sobriety, your grace, your family and your ability to hear God’s voice…loving YOU!!

42. I truly loved your story and I’m sadden for your loss. I to have a GAY son that just came out two years ago. When he was growing up kids would call him gay and he was to young to understand everything. I would sit and talk to him and tell him not to listen to them. So when he graduated from high school he finally came out and said “I’m gay”. I just responded are you sure, he said yes. I grew up in a Pentecostal Religion Church and being Gay/Lesbian meant your were going to Hell. I learned that Religion has nothing to do with loving and serving GOD anyone can have religion but not everyone can have GOD in their hearts. I love my son unconditionally and I have this saying “I don’t judge only GOD judges”. So who am I to say what is right and wrong. I will no longer struggle with my religious feelings on right and wrong. Thank you from this day forward I will love my GAY son just because he breathes!

    • AMEN! Thank you for sharing YOUR story!! And isn’t it AWESOME that God is so much bigger than religious rules and judgements?!

      • Your sons story moved me deeply. I was raised to believe in a loving god not a set of rules man made up. He loved you your husband and your son and it showed in your life. The fears we have as parents are so big it hinders us from allowing our children to be who they really are. Your love for your family and for the lord shines in every word you wrote. My prayers will be with you always.

43. Your story touched my heart. Thanks you for sharing. From one mom to another: http://audfox3.blogspot.com/2013/06/what-do-his-parents-think.html

    • Bless you for loving your boy!! We moms need each other!

44. Mr and Mrs Robertson ~ my, oh my! Though words seem to evade me right now, I will do my best to convey my thoughts to you both. First of all, my heart aches for your loss of Ryan’s physical presence in this plane of existence. Regardless of circumstances, the loss of a loved one, especially one’s child is an experience beyond understanding. Yet, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that loving bonds continue beyond death. I hope and pray you, your children, and others you hold dear find comfort in memories of joy, laughter, and love that you and Ryan shared ~ shared regardless of the existence of memories of pain and any current regrets of past beliefs, thoughts, and actions.

    Secondly, your sharing of your journey, lessons learned, and hopes for others serves as a poignant reminder of the power of candor, honesty, self reflection, and most of all LOVE in our human journey. Something tells me that the LOVE you and your husband have with Ryan prior to his death and continuing today really gave you what you needed to step forward and make your journey public. Many people today lose sight of the power of love and forgiveness in creating hope and positive change. You’ve reminded us of that power. THANK YOU!

    Thirdly, may you embrace your belief of Ryan’s living presence with the saints who have gone before and may our extravagantly generous and gracious God cradle you with gentle care and tender love today and in the days ahead ~

    Sharing your belief in the power of love to overcome all ~ peace and all good to you and yours ~
    Rev Elaine Groppenbacher LCSW

    • Rev. Elaine, your words, and your blessing, deeply touch my heart! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

      • My goodness, you’re more than welcome, Linda ~ I freely share my words and and commitment to holding you and your family in thought and prayer as you continue your journey witnessing to the power of love and forgiveness. We are indeed blessed beyond measure with the extravagant grace of this God of ours who exceeds all our human understanding. May you take gentle care of yourself and those you hold dear.

45. Mr. and Mrs Robertson,

    Like many, I came across your story through other news sources. As I began to read your story leading up to the point where Ryan had called after 18 months of never hearing from him, I was hopeful for your story. When I read the line that Ryan’s fate would be death, I crumbled into tears right here at my desk.

    I want to commend you for sharing you story for several important reasons. As a gay man that is a non-Christian living in the Deep South, I often run into just as many people that support me as those that politely do not. My mother was a Christian (may she now rest in peace) and, while she initially struggled with reconciling her faith with loving her gay son, her general response was silence on the issue. Over time I would grow to understand that she didn’t like the idea of being forced to choose between her religion and loving her son, so she made a choice: She dropped her religion, kept her God, and told me she loved me. This was enough for me, but I couldn’t help but feel like she had permanently given something up, permanently sacrificed something, just for me. She would eagerly meet boyfriends I had when I was young and treated them with all the love and hospitality I had hoped. I couldn’t help but feel that something tore at the back of her mind; this thing she had given up for me.

    It has been fifteen years since I told my mother I was gay, and nine years since her untimely death due to cancer. I am 31 years old and have been with my partner since I was 20. My mother welcomed him into our family just as she welcomed my brother’s wife. I’m grateful that she had the opportunity to deal with having a gay son in her own way, and that the result was something all of us could live with. It wasn’t until I read your story that I feel I may have finally gained some insight into what she may have actually dealt with upon hearing the news from me.

    In recent years I have had personal struggles and, among those, has been my personal spiritual struggles. I dismissed Christianity from my life the moment I realized I was gay because it has been made so abundantly clear that the two cannot coexist. That is, until I read your story. Now I feel foolish. I feel like I have been missing the bigger picture all this time. This is particularly astonishing because I am generally a “bigger picture” kind of person. If I am to believe that at the core of Christianity is love, then what makes that so incompatible with me? If you are a Christian, then are you not capable of the same love as well? Clearly, you loved your son. You acted out of love for him. All this time I felt like I had to make a choice between being a man of God, or being the man God made me as it were.

    Perhaps my mother had it right from the beginning: Love is sacrifice, in all its forms. You give unto others of yourself. It does not falter. It is never wrong. When love appears between two individuals it should not be questioned, or examined. It is in this approach that tragic stories like your own sometimes appear. Your other blogs have shared that you found that leaving yourself vulnerable and pushing forth into the unknown have never left you empty-handed. I have no doubt that sharing this story (and others) will do the same.

    I won’t say that I had a grand epiphany in my personal life having just read this one blog, but I want you to know this: your story has changed me, if only a to help me better understand this one thing: the concepts that are right by you and right by me are the same, no matter the banner under which they fly. Like my mother, the only choice I need to make is love….in all its forms. I hope to have my own children one day, and I hope to never forget your story. It is my wish that I will approach them with your same love and understanding that, clearly, takes a life-time of work to refine.

    I am sorry for your loss. Please know that I, among others, wept for your son today. I will forever carry a piece of his story with me, and in this he will be loved and remembered forever.

    • David…YOUR story has changed ME! What an amazing mom you had…I wish I could have known her!

      If you have any interest in meeting thousands of other Gay Christians, I highly recommend GCN (http://www.gaychristian.net/), founded by Justin Lee, the autor of Torn – Rescuing the Gospel from the Gay vs. Christian Debate. It is a MUST READ for all those in the conservative church…and all those who have felt cast out by it because of their sexuality.

      Your words have blessed me today, David!!

46. I respect your humility and envy the unconditional love and acceptance you eventually had for your son. I’m Ryan’s age and I can relate with many parts of his story. The internet history on our family computer outed me when I was 14 (in 2003) before I had even accepted my sexuality myself. (I don’t know how Ryan found the courage to not only admit to himself that he was gay but to come out to someone else at 12.) My parents were blindsided because I too was very much a typical boy.

    The initial response from my parents was vicious. I got banned from ever touching a computer anywhere for any reason, had my bedroom door taken off, got permanently grounded and denied most of my privacy. I even got an explicit–though in the heat of the moment–death threat if I were to ever pursue a gay lifestyle. (I got an apology for this comment a few years later.)

    My parents soon afterward contacted ex-gay ministries. They sent my parents books, CDs and pamphlets, which my parents passed on to me. Most graciously they convinced my parents to temper their approach with me, to be kinder, more sympathetic and to restore my privileges.

    Even with their graciousness I was completely terrified of the ex-gay people, and I refused to meet with them whenever my parents suggested it. Eventually my mother tricked me into going to an ex-gay therapist, and on the drive over I experienced a panic attack for the first time. I don’t know why it frightened me so much, but my parents’ initial reaction probably had a lot to do with it. I genuinely felt like a murderer. I felt like that’s how my parents saw me and felt like that’s how the therapists and ministers would see me.

    After many awkward sessions with various people and many silly prescriptions (like barring me from playing any video game with a female main character) the therapy and ministering came to an end because of my parents’ financial situation, which took all of their attention. I was left to wrestle with this issue alone and I had only my self-hatred and confusion to guide me. Things continued spiraling downward from there culminating in two separate occasions where I was hospitalized for a prolonged period. I’m not really sure how this affected my parents. At the time I felt like these crises were just more reason for my parents to hate me.

    We haven’t talked about the gay issue since the therapy ended, but my impression is that they think I’m straight. I’ve come out of the depths I sank to and feel my decade-long depression subsiding (beginning when I was outed). Our relationship is less affectionate than it used to be (I think primarily from my own emotional restraint), but it is paradoxically closer (from several circumstances). I still feel a lot of shame and guilt even though I’ve finally accepted that I’m gay and concluded the healthiest thing for me would be to find and settle down with a partner.

    I don’t know how my parents will react when I come out to them for the second time. I’m not at all expecting them to come around like you two did. This is why I so respect your humility and envy the love and acceptance you had to offer. I regret that you didn’t have the full opportunity to prove your unconditional love and acceptance to Ryan. It seems to me that you really deserved it and Ryan did too.

    I’m sorry if I haven’t been clear enough. I tried to pare down the full story and keep some details vague.

    • Kyle, my heart, and my prayers, go out to you! You are brave…and beautiful.

      Thankfully, before Ryan died he KNEW that we loved him with NO buts. That we loved him as the incredibly gifted, loving gay man that he was. Yes, we have learned a lot more since his death…but God gave us the gift of those ten months of gracious reconciliation with our boy. For that, we are ETERNALLY thankful!

    • Kyle, what you went through really hurts my heart. I can’t imagine how terrified you must have been, and had nowhere to turn. I hope you realize what courage and strength you have that is so obvious. Don’t give up on yourself or on God… and know I will be praying for you. Joani

    • Kyle,

      I don’t know if you will see this since I am writing days after your post. But I needed to comment, along with the others, on how bravely and intelligently you have handled your incredibly difficult journey. That you have gotten to this point without apparent bitterness and hostility toward your family is amazing–you relate it all with an objectivity that is very rare is someone so young. So I want to encourage you to apply that same intelligence and intellectual detachment to the “shame and guilt” you still feel at being gay. I won’t presume to tell you how. You are smart enough to get there. Personally I have known I was gay since kindergarten and learned very early what my parents and the rest of the dominant culture thought about that part of me. But I never felt shame or guilt. I KNEW that I was good and God loved me just as I am. Thankfully I was never outed before I was ready. Please find a way to feel the same way! I know you will get there. You are a really smart kid (and a great writer). Good luck.

      Michael

    • Kyle,

      Your story broke my heart. I really hope that your parents wake up and see what they could lose if they keep being the way they are towards you. I’m not talking about you offing yourself, I’m talking about you walking away and never looking back. You sound like an amazing person and a brave one as well. Thank you for sharing.

      Ami

47. Linda,

    Thank you for your witness to me… both your willingness to share your story, as well as your grace and compassion in dealing with those who are hurting and those who condemn you. I’m also proud of your kids for standing by you, and for “popping in” here and there with sweet words of encouragement. That speaks volumes of who you are as a Mom! I doubt you expected to become an ambassador… but it seems you are becoming one! I’d like to pray for you… your family… and many of those who have posted in recent days.

    Father, THANK YOU for these beautiful people, Linda and Rob and their family, who have placed their lives and hearts out in the open for all of us to see. Oh, how it helps me… but oh, how painful it must be. And yet, the enemy would love for our struggles and sin to stay in darkness… and when it is brought into the light, I think that’s when you do your greatest work. Heal their hearts, Lord… give them your peace… provide strength and courage… protect them from the hurtful words that are being hurled their way. Give them the ability to love their neighbors and their enemies, in a manner that can only occur through your grace. Provide them with the certainty of your love for them, and of Ryan’s love for them… and give them glimpses of Ryan’s health and eternal happiness as he basks in your love.

    I pray for all these beautiful, courageous people who have shared their stories of struggle, of loss, of hurt, of pain, for themselves or for their loved ones. Timothy… Jordan… George… Sara… Neal… Rob… Jay… Jennifer… Jessie… Steve… Jessica… Jules.. Ryan… Melissa… Dre… Michele… Derek… Liz… Kimra… Kenneth… Joe… Julie… Stephen… Phoebe… David… Joao… Samuel… Nathan… Michael… Nichole… and all those who I missed their post, and all who have remained quiet but are hurting just the same. Jesus, pour out your love upon each of these dear ones. Give them a glimpse today of how deeply and completely you love them… and how desperately you long for them to experience it.

    I pray for those who are hurt and angry, either at Linda and Rob, or at Christians, or at religion, or at you. Remind us, each one, that anger so often masks the deeper feelings and emotions that we are experiencing. It is so much easier to be mad and spew out hurtful words, than to examine ourselves for the true issues lurking deep within us. Father, forgive us for the times we have acted in a manner that would cause such anger at religion or Christianity. Forgive us for the damage we have done to each other… to you… to your Son. Forgive us for how often we have represented you poorly, and have placed burdens around the necks of others in a manner that they can’t possibly carry. Forgive us for failing to share your love, but so eagerly sharing criticism instead. Convict us of our wrongs… and teach us to do right. Please bless and tenderly love each of these brave souls who have spoken honestly of their hurt and anger: Bob… Ramiel…Elizabeth… Alan… Katie… Anonymous… Karen… Scott… Michael… Rob. Surround them today with your love and grace, and place those in their path who will demonstrate genuine love and compassion.

    Heal us, Lord Jesus… teach us how to love each other. We are beggars… broken… all of us. Please give us your mercy and grace. Amen.

    • That was a beautiful prayer and I want you to know I really appreciated that you would pray not only for Ryan’s family but for those of us that have responded here. It’s amazing what God is doing in the lives and hearts of people because of Ryan and his parents and their willingness to share! Bless you Joani

      • Thanks, Julie. I just looked up your story again and your words are amazing. Being a parent is SOOO hard! I have to believe most of those saying horrible things to Linda are not yet parents. Once you are… you know how impossible of a job it is! We just want to do what’s right more than anything… and know that doing the hard thing is often the loving thing. But sometimes we find out later that we were just flat-out wrong… and then the only alternative is to realize it and ask forgiveness and try to be different. I’m so grateful for your honest struggle, for no reason other than that you love your daughter and that you’re human! (I’ve often wondered WHY God chooses ordinary humans to be mothers… seems like too big of a job.) I’ll be praying for you and your daughter and thanks again. I’d love to hear more of your story if you want to share it…. my e-mail is joani.jack@erlanger.org. Blessings… Joani

    • Dearest Linda and Joani (and most of the others),

      I too have lost my SSA son, not from suicide, but in an accident, one year ago. I also wept with you yesterday when I first read your post, and especially while watching the video. I too made many parenting mistakes, and although most of them surround other issues involving our five children, some biggies involved this aspect of my son. When I hiked the “Camino de Santiago” in Spain earlier this year (referenced in the movie “The Way”), the burden I left at the “Cruz de Ferro,” the foot of the cross, was blaming myself. Blame that his burden was my fault, and blaming myself for taking so long to accept this, and my “innocent, loving” comments that, in retrospect, weren’t. I now accept that I did the best I could.

      Although our God certainly isn’t “man-made,” our Christianity is. Instituted by the one “true Man, true God,” as He passed the keys to Peter. Not “superman” or fairy tale, these events are historical facts. If you choose not to believe He came to show us how to love, and did so very effectively, no one here can fault or condemn you. We were given free choice for a reason. We either choose to accept that love, or not. The “Sun” is shining the warmth of love and forgiveness – we can choose to stand in the light or walk away from it.
      We are Catholic, and draw great strength and comfort with the knowledge that our God is such a big God. He is love, and I hope and pray that those who look so superficially from both sides learn the depth of His love. This is the basis of Andrew Marin’s apostolate, the Marin Foundation.
      I have spoken with him, and embrace his bridge-building efforts, and his “I’m Sorry” campaign.

      I still weep daily for my son, my loss, my family – understandable, very human sentiments. This is the “human condition,” where the very strongest of us is still so very weak. I’ve been asked how I can have such a strong faith after such a devastating loss, rather I reply, “How can I take another breath WITHOUT my faith in our salvation, where we WILL again see our sons!”

      I therefore also weep for those on every side of this (and every) issue that don’t believe in His existence, His love, and His forgiveness.

      Convenient or not, this is our God. I hope and pray that each of us, with all of our opinions, choose to walk towards His light that very much does exist. The vitriol that exists on both sides can only be reconciled with someone taking first steps. Thank you Linda and Rob, and Ryan.
      Much Love.
      Bill and Shar
      (I’d also like to speak with you privately)

    • Thank you, Joani, for your beautiful, heartfelt prayer in response to these comments. As Linda’s parents we are watching from behind the scenes as God moves in an amazing way from a simple Facebook post she wrote last December. But as we read, cry and pray over the comments, we realize the need of an “army” to reach out and to respond to all these wonderful, vulnerable, hurting individuals. Ray & I have been praying that God would raise up people like yourself to sense the needs of these who God brings along their path. If we all reach out in love to those we know, to those we hear about, much will be accomplished. Through prayers like yours, those commenting will realize they are important to others and loved by God

      • AMEN, Mom!! Couldn’t have said it better! Praying with you!

48. Linda-
    I am thankful you have shared your story and am in tears alongside you as I read your blog and become a part of your pain. You are an inspiration to me as a parent and I want to encourage you to continue to share your families heart warming, loving experiences. Your sharing will help so many just from the raw truth. God blessed you with amazing children and you are doing the best job at raising them. It hurts to see comments about ignorance due to religion because even if you take religion away our society puts a “normal” stigma on all people. Your reaction as a non-believer may have been the same because we are not educated ourselves on how to just love with no conditions. I say this because currently I am a believer, my family or children are not gay but my daughter is not acceptable to the “normal” our society places on her. She has ADHD and on the high spectrum. Kids, parents, teachers, some pastors and family treat her differently. She struggles with an inner pain that I fear and pray leaves her. Why do we as people say we love but then never fully embrace someone who is different? I have learned through doctors, pastors and therapists to not worry about these people but to live in the moment of how God made my child. Experiences like yours just affirms what I am experiencing and makes me want to be a better person/parent. Please listen to the comments presented but guard your heart from comments that make you feel icky and soak in the ones that uplift you.
    Much love and warmth,
    Shauna

    • Shauna, what grace your words give to my heart!! Thank you for understanding…and “getting” that this isn’t only about gay kids…but about loving ALL of our kids, despite their challenges. You sound like an incredibly loving mom…your daughter is blessed to have you!!

49. AMEN! The legacy of Ryan’s journey as well as yours serves as testimony to the extravagant grace, forgiveness, and love of God ~ all the rest is commentary.

50. Misinterpreting God’s word to say that a mother should limit the love of her child in any way is completely unimaginable to me. For these are it’s very real consequences. I feel badly that you will never get over the guilt and shame of having done so. I pray for the day that all self-proclaimed Christians understand that the guilt and shame they pile on gay people belongs only and entirely on themselves. How many gay people must God create for everyone to understand that He wants them here?
    Neither God nor the Bible says any of the things you taught your innocent son they do. Your pastors are to blame for teaching you they do. I’m glad to see that you now accept the blame due you for believing them. Keep passing it on till the rest of your kind understand.

    • Trip,

      I was just made aware of your comments, by another man who shares your same name. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I wasn’t moderating my blog during the week you commented. Actually, my older brother, who is also gay, was doing it for me. So he was the one who deleted your comment.
      You make some very valid points, Trip. The only thing I have to disagree with is that “there is no way that your son could have believed you loved him when he died.” You’ve only read part of our story, and though we made HORRIBLE mistakes, before Ryan died he KNEW that we loved him, exactly as God created him, fully and fiercely. I am thankful that you are wrong about that point.
      I wish you the best, Trip.