First: About This Blog
This blog was created in 2013 to tell the story…our story…of how God taught us, conservative, evangelical parents, how to TRULY love our gay son. The original Just Because He Breathes piece was written in December 2012 at the request of a small group of LGBTQ students at a conservative Christian university…it was never intended for a larger audience, but that is what happened; I’ve never edited it since the night I wrote it. I am so grateful that you’ve visited here to read our story and to learn more about how we, as loving parents, can deeply and tragically wound our children without ever intending to.
That said – Back to About Me
I am now the mom of 6 adult children, our four & 2 spouses who we consider our kids. It took me a while to learn what it means for me to have a relationship with a dead child, but I very much do now. I feel like the luckiest, most blessed mom in the world – I have learned so much from the enormous mistakes I have made, and that has led to ever-deepening relationships in our family and in our marriage.
I am now working full-time (as a volunteer) working with parents of LGBTQ+ children whose children have just come out, or who are struggling to reconcile their faith with their love for their child. I also speak occasionally, lead the Parent Team at QChristian Fellowship, serve on a couple of boards, and much more. My life is rich with purpose and meaning! God has helped me to find my calling, and I am so grateful.
If you’d like to listen to a much more extensive version of our story, it was filmed at Towne View Baptist Church in Kennesaw, GA in May 2022.
There is also a recording of my presentation from NorthPoint Church in Atlanta from May 2021, which does not include everything from my more recent presentation, but does include a Q&A time that I’ve told has been helpful for many parents.
You can also view our story as presented as part of the documentary For They Know Not What They Do, available on Amazon & iTunes.
I’ll be at a conference coming up in Chicago the first weekend of May 2023 for parents and family of LGBTQ people – you can see more details here.
Much love to each person who has found their way here…
I don’t check Messenger often, so please be patient if you are trying to reach me – Thank you!
398 responses to “About Me”
I’m a 19 y/o lesbian who has struggled to reconcile my faith and my desire for a happy, romantic relationship. I would love to have a wife one day, and a family, but for a while I was convinced I would not be able to. In fact, I’m still struggling, and have not attended church in nearly a year, because I believe I am unworthy and unwanted. This blog gives me hope, thank you.
Praying for you now, Lucy…and I sent you a FB friend request. ❤
I would love to contact you somehow. Maybe Facebook?? My name is Stephanie Palmer. I can’t thank you enough for this post. I’ve read it so many times, and I cry every single time.
Linda, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so moved by this and I am now crying at work. My company is currently trying to make a documentary about the need to end conversion and reparative therapy. I was wondering if you would be willing to speak with us about this subject? I would so appreciate your time. You can call our office at 818-905-6660. God bless you and your family, and I’m so sorry for your loss.
Linda I read your story and my heart goes out to you.. It made me cry a lot because I had a similar situation with christians bashing me and hating on me for being gay.. It has rocked my faith to the core and made me bitter and angry towards the church as a whole.. I meet and married the love of my life, he is my best friend and soul mate and I thank God for him everyday. Unfortunately there has been a huge backlash and my heart is bleeding out.. It has really made me hate myself with what the church has been doing to me.. Could you possible add me on FB? My full name is: Paul Castillon. Here is the link: https://www.facebook.com/paul.castillon.5 Thank you again for your story.. It has helped me a lot and I am so sorry again for your loss. BIG HUGS!
Heavy sigh…what a heartbreak, Paul, that you are STILL enduring this in 2018…the traditional church has it so very wrong on this issue.
I’d love to recommend some books for you to read…and some other ways to connect with gay Christians so you can receive support, understanding and support.
Last thing – I am hardly ever on FB (though I did just follow your link but found that you have the “add friend” option disabled), but feel free to friend me at: https://www.facebook.com/LindaDRobertson so I can pass on those recommendations! Much love to you!!
I have just recently been told by two of my teens in a month time span. I have always believed the scriptures to say it was not Gods design . I love them no matter what but I am seeking God on how to really so this and honor him. A friend led me to your blog. Wow what a heart breaking journey your family has been on. Thank you for standing up for your son and speaking up to save more lives and help more families.
Linda and Rob-
Thank you much for sharing your family’s story. I’m actually from the Eastside (grew up going to church in Woodinville, did Awanas at Overlake, now attend church in the Snoqualmie valley when I’m home), and I remember hearing about Ryan’s story through word of mouth at the time but had no idea the profoundness of his story, just that he was very much loved by his family and his community at large. I came across the rest of your story through the youtube video of your talk at the Reformation Project and then the video of your talk at Eastlake and I was incredibly touched.
As a relatively young gay Christian who hasn’t yet come out to my conservative (by West coast standards, anyways) family, I just want to thank you for sharing your story and your heart. It gives me hope for myself as well as for my family.
Wow…what an encouragement this is! We would love to meet you…though we don’t use Facebook much anymore, you can still find me and message me there, if you’d ever like to connect when you are in town (Linda Mueller Robertson). Much love to you, new friend!
Dear Linda and Rob,
Thank you for sharing your journey. Our daughter came out many years ago and we have always supported her and gave her unconditional love. We have always been concerned for her through a few tumultuous relationships and now has met someone that she is in love with. Her partner feeling “old fashioned” (her words) reached out to us with a touching letter, asking us for our daughter’s hand in marriage. There is no question of our positive and loving response, but this has raised some doubts and fears that my wife is having difficulty coming to terms with. We are looking for access to information and counseling to help us move forward.
Blessing to you and your family and again thank you for sharing.
You sound like wonderful parents, Tad…and I so respect your honesty. You’ll be so much more able to fully participate in the joy of their marriage if you are able to fully process all of the emotions that are coming up for both of you. I’ll send you a note with some info about support!
I am living your story. My son has not passed but is using drugs , alcohol, drove drunk and wrecked at 60 MPH, almost fatally injured. Im waiting for another phone call. The first phone call they didn’t tell us if he had survived because they didn’t know by the time we arrived what the answer would be. he is in pain and numbing it however he can, He is depressed and lost and telling him I love him isn’t enough. Living in terror and fear and worry and grief has broken my heart and sloes my hope. I just have no one to help or guide me through this. I am a strong person that has been through a lot, but this is my boy, I’m weary and worn.
First, I want to say how sorry I am that you lost your child. No parent should have to to through that. Second, i would love to talk with you. I need to talk with someone who can just listen and offer advice. Is there a way I could privately give you my number? My wife and I have two boys 19 & 21. 5 years ago our oldest came out when he was 16. This completely devastated us. My wife and I both committed our lives to Christ before we were married and raised both boys in the church. So, when our son came out he also stopped going to church. He said God can’t be real because the church preaches against homosexuality and he also prayed for God to remove his sexual desire towards males. Since God didn’t do that he must not be real and our son is resentful towards us for raising him as a Christian. He feels we should have left the church with him. This has been harder on my wife than me. I’m more open minded especially because my younger brother is gay and I saw the torment and anguish he went through as a young man back in the 80″s when being gay wasn’t as accepted as it is now. My family had to live through, fortunately, failed suicide attempts because my brother didn’t think he was normal. That there was something wrong with him. He is a healthy adult now but only after he was lovingly accepted by our family after coming out. Sorry, back to our son. After he came out he shared that he had contemplated suicide because he didn’t know how to tell us. I feel guilty that we raised him in a house and church that looked at homosexuality as a sin, as an abomination. We have come a long way. We habe both accpeted him and love him unconditionally. We still attend our church. Which he doesn’t understand why. I feel that I am ready to be in a place where you and Rob are, but my wife, even though she loves our son still feels that he is sinning against God, and that the reason he’s mad at and rejecting God is because he refuses to submit his will to God. I love my wife but we don’t see eye to eye on this and I don’t know who to talk to, but I need to talk with someone.
Thank you for listening. Can you email me if possible?
Sorry for barging in on your comment here. Thank you for sharing this. I can only imagine what you guys have been through and are going through.
I feel deeply for you and for your wife and for your son. I am gay myself and come from an incredibly unsupportive family (I love them deeply). I have remained a Christian through this process (not without deep anguish and struggle) even though I do believe it’s okay to be gay; but, as you can probably guess, I am in the minority here: the overwhelmingly vast majority of gay men I know have left their faith.
It means so much to me to hear the way you are thinking about this and trying to love everyone in the middle of this extremely complicated scenario. I know you probably weren’t thinking about talking with a gay Christian millennial when you left this comment, but I’d absolutely love to hear your heart here and offer and advice or support that I can. In addition to being gay and a Christian myself and all that, I’ve received three years of training so far for my MA in Counselling, so I am also very qualified and eager to help. This is really one of my passion areas.
If that interests you (or anyone reading this, for that matter!) please feel free to head over to my site (https://themythofprometheus.wordpress.com/contact/) and drop me a message and I’ll email you back.
Either way, I am praying over you and your situation right now.
I too am struggling as i just found out my daughter is Gay. I want to love her and make our home a safe place, while holding onto my faith. It’s so hard. I know what ive read in the bible, but I think God is at work. I’m just not sure what hes up to, and Im worried about her soul. Your blog is something I need to hear. Im a work in progress as i navigate this and pray through it.
What a loving Dad you are, Brent. You are clearly wanting to do everything you can to be a safe place for your daughter, and to reflect the unconditional love of Christ to her. Please let me know if I can be of support…if you would like to join our parent group, or if you’d like a referral to other resources, I’d love to help! You can comment here or reach out to me on FaceBook. Praying for your family!
Any parent who have lost a child can not help but wonder what they could have done differently and if they had done what ever that “differently” is would “my child” still be alive. We don’t know. What I do know is you loved your son. Yes he knew that. He was brave for confiding in you, his champion of his most dreadful embarrassing society not understanding shameful secret. You see I have that secret I wish I had his bravery. I have children who had eluded to me that they know. I lie to everyone it doesn’t matter who. I “explore” with same and ask For God’s forgiveness. Anyone who is gay didn’t ask to be gay. It’s just who we are ,additionally ,anyone with an addiction,I’m in recovery currently, one day at a time didn’t ask to be an addict. Just like someone who has cancer didn’t ask for cancer. Yet many people in society feel empathy for a cancer patient but not a gay person or a person with an addiction. How sad. How each person deals with conflict in their lives is not for someone else to judge. But they do..sounds like you and your son made amends. Keep doing what ur doing. I am in my 50’s and don’t cry often because it’s not manly. I work out often because it is manly. I have friends who talk about gay men and I chime in so not to be ridiculed for defending gay people. Yet really I’m afraid. What I try to remind myself is to love myself but I can’t because I’m not honest with myself and others. I do not live the life I want. I live my life because I fear I will lose someone or something. I hate that I am not honest with my wife. But it is stories like yours that bring sorrow and at the same time someway peace.
Keep up the blog keep sharing your story. Your not responsible for other peoples relationships.
Thank you for sharing, my friend. I treasure your vulnerability. I wish I could give you an enormous hug, and I wish you could see yourself with my eyes. I feel such deep empathy for you today…for the man who has to hide, and who is so very alone. You never meant to be an addict – NOBODY knows. People use because they are in pain. Period. And so many of us are in pain. You’re just brave enough to say it here.
If I know anything true in this world after all we’ve been through, it is that you are Beloved and beautiful exactly as you are. I am confident with every ounce of my little body that our Creator SEES you as so very good inside, never trying to hurt anyone. Just a precious, scared human being like so many of us. I am hoping that you can feel a little bit of that truly unconditional, relentless Love today.
Thank you 🙏